Practice Opening- Frogs02

To get rid of Polio forever, we will have to gain the trust of the Nigerian people. The Nigerian people have a theory that the vaccine is contaminated with AIDS virus and/or infertility drugs to wipe out the Muslim population. However the risks of Polio is too high of a cost to not be vaccinated. The people who are encouraging vaccines are not capable of getting every child vaccinated to eliminate the disease. On one hand if they could, it would take hundreds of years. The new appearance of the vaccine frightened many people since it was known that foreign powers are trying to destroy their population. We can not obtain the trust of the Nigerian people if they are being harmed. The U.S can not use violence or pressure the Nigerian people because they want their trust. Pressuring them or using violence will only intimidate or use fear to scare the people. Once this goal is achieved, the hope is that the Nigerian people will take the vaccine and health and wellness will be restored along with trust between the nations.

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3 Responses to Practice Opening- Frogs02

  1. davidbdale says:

    This starts very strong, Frogs.

    1. To get rid of Polio forever, we will have to gain the trust of the Nigerian people.
    —A perfect opening sentence. It’s bold and declarative, minces no words, and makes a startling claim. What could the trust of the Nigerian people possibly have to do the the eradication of polio? Great start.

    2. There is an assumption that the vaccine is contaminated with AIDS virus or infertility drugs to wipe out the Muslim population.
    —You don’t want to be vague here. Do YOU assume the vaccine is contaminated? Do the Nigerian people? Do they assume so without any rationale? Did someone plant this assumption?

    3. The vaccinators are missing too many kids to eliminate Polio.
    —”The vaccinators” would ordinarily mean the people administering the vaccine. Is that who you mean? Or do you mean the people who are being encouraged to RECEIVE the vaccine? THEN, what does it mean to be missing too many kids? OOOOHHHHHH! I get it now. You mean the teams of vaccinators are failing to vaccinate too many kids. Too many kids are failing to show up to be vaccinated. Can you keep me from misunderstanding that? I’m a pretty good reader, but I was confused.

    4. The suspicious new appearance of the vaccine scared many people since violence and terrorism in Nigeran wasn’t anything new.
    —A couple of confusions here, Frogs. To me, “the suspicious new appearance” of the vaccine would imply that is looked different than expected (a pill instead of a drop, a big blue capsule instead of a little white pill). And then, why would “violence and terrorism” make anyone suspicious of a vaccine? Vaccination seems neither violent nor terrorizing.

    5. We can not gain the trust of Nigeria if they are being harmed.
    —I assume you mean “being harmed” by us, as in “We cannot gain the trust of Nigerians if we are harming or appearing to harm them.”

    6. We can sacrifice no violence for their trust in return.
    —This is a beautiful sentence for a song lyric. Its ambiguity is very rich. But essays need clarity, not ambiguity. Does it mean “We should be willing to trade doing them no harm in return for their trust?” That’s how it seems. But the word “sacrifice” confounds the meaning. Surely we don’t consider it a sacrifice to not harm them?

    7. Once that is done, everyone would be vaccinated for trust and respect in return.
    —I wish you were right, but it might take a hundred years of not harming someone to regain their trust.

    8. We will be eliminating violence and sickness and gaining healthy territory and protection.
    —This is the third time you’ve made “us” responsible for violence. Do the Nigerians need us to QUIT being violent to them to earn their trust?

    Like

    • frogs02 says:

      Thank you so much!! All of the comments definitely would make it a lot better. Can I go back and edit it? Or is what I submitted done?

      On Thu, Sep 9, 2021 at 2:03 PM Counterintuitive Fall 2021 wrote:

      >

      Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    I see you’ve revised your post since my feedback, Frogs. I appreciate that.

    Like

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