Visual Rewrite–ilovenas

At the beginning of the video is a clip of a beautiful white home with a round red door. Leading up to the home is a brick walk way. The lawn is freshly cut and a perfect rich shade of green. There is a medium sized tree hovering slightly over the house and a patch of bushes lining the outside of the house as well, they’re located on each side of the steps leading to the red front door.


A young Caucasian woman is dressed in a light blue short sleeve button up, a navy blue cap, and navy blue shorts that are cut right before her knees. She also has a navy satchel with two stripes on it, one white and one blue. In one hand she is holding two envelopes, in the other one she is only holding one. It is safe to say she is the mail lady.


Through the window of the house we get to see a very masculine Caucasian man with black hair that reaches to the middle of his back. He is wearing a black tank top and has a tattoo covering his whole right arm.


The screen shows what the mail woman is staring at the man with a slight grin on her face.


The screen goes inside the home, the man is looking down at something, hopping and dancing with one arm up, as if he is flexing a muscle.


There is a little girl dancing a long with the man, (presummably his daughter), she has brown eyes and hair, which is braided back. She has one arm up just like her father. She is wearing a short flannel like shirt.


The father and daughter is tipping to the side on one foot with their arms still flexed to the side, they’re acting as tea pots. Around them is a pink bike, two comfy sitting chairs, and a play kitchen.


They fall to the ground smiling. The little girl seems to be “pouring” tea from a pink teapot.


She pours two cups, one for each of them; they share cheers and tap each other’s cup. They look to each other and smile, put their pinkies up, and take a sip.

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite–ilovenas

  1. ilovenas says:

    I tweaked this, tell me what you think.


  2. davidbdale says:

    Acceptable as a first draft. Harms your Portfolio by not showing evidence of critique and responsiveness.


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