Causal Rewrite- blueee

Posted on April 20, 2023 by blueee04

Money Causes Negative Behavior

Greed is a problem whether we want to believe it or not. People are greedy with money, whether they have a lot or little. It causes people to have behavioral problems. Some people don’t even realize the way it affects them because they are surrounded by people that act the same way. Money makes people feel superior and they abuse it which then leads to being rude but being rude is just the beginning of it, there are much worse situations that have escalated to violence. Money should not be as dangerous as it is.

There is inequality globally with everything. There was an experiment held with University students and nationwide, to show how people act in situations of inequality. In the article “The rich are easily offended by unfairness” the author explains the game, “the proposer gives the responder an unfair offer of CN¥2, but keeps the remaining CN¥8 out of CN¥10. If the responder accepts the offer, each receives the proposed amounts; otherwise both receive nothing.” Low income people were likely to take the offer and the more wealthy denied the offer. It’s not surprising given that the money would help them but it shows how important money is in our world. It shows how easily the poor were convinced when money was involved. People have a change in behavior when they have an opportunity to win a lottery.

When growing up we learn to act like those around us. We may not be corrected right from wrong when young but as we get older we learn the difference by observing others. We know who we should associate with and who we want to avoid. In the article “Money attitude-an abridgement” the article explains that individuals may have a negative behavior about money differences due to childhood experiences, high financial and social status. These are all accurate to cause a persons change in behavior but it’s just an excuse for them to act mean towards others. Learned behavior could be changed, if we feel like the way we act isn’t appropriate or mature then we should want to change. No one deserves to be mistreated due to the way we grew up. Poor people tend to be mistreated or belittled by people that are richer. The rich feel like their wealth gives them the right to be disrespectful to the poor.

Companies are even losing out on money due to the employees behavior. It’s not hard to be nice but some people never matured enough to know how to act. There is no excuse for an adult to have negative actions towards customers. The source “Rudeness at work: Impulse over restraint” states that this behavior drives customers away and although being rude isn’t an act of violence it could lead to that or worse. Money isn’t just causing behavior but behavior also causes the loss of money. People need to learn how to be more respectful because you never know what kind of day someone is having. Everyone wants to be treated with respect and kindness. Just because we are having a bad day it doesn’t mean we have to make someone else’s day bad.

Many behaviors can be picked up but we shouldn’t let money effect it. Money should not control the way we act or treat others. This has become a problem without anyone noticing, it’s become normal. It’s not normal to have stingy people or unfairness. We should not be against each-other. We have grown in a world that’s known to be rude, selfish, and needy. This doesn’t mean that it needs to continue to be like this. Just because our peers act a certain way it doesn’t make it right for us to. There is no reason to try and fit in. Disrespect gets you absolutely no where in life.

References

Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, The rich are easily offended by unfairness: Wealth triggers spiteful rejection of unfair offers Published, 5April 2017

Taneja, Rimple. Money attitude-an abridgement Published July 2012

Johnson, Pamela and Indvik Julie, Rudeness at work: Impulse over restraint Published December 2001

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2 Responses to Causal Rewrite- blueee

  1. blueee04 says:
    April 20, 2023 at 2:17 am

    I would like to know what I could fix and if I did this the correct way. I feel like my argument may have been a little weak. This is shorter than it is supposed to be but Im not sure what I should add or explain more of.

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  2. davidbdale says:
    April 22, 2023 at 4:49 pm

    I feel we may have discussed this particular argument sufficiently during our Conference, Blueeeee, but for the record:

    P1.
    Money is a problem whether we want to believe it or not. Nothing can be done to get rid of it though because it is essential in life to survive. It causes people to have behavioral problems. Some people don’t even realize the way it affects them because they are surrounded by people that act the same way. Money leads to people acting rude because they feel better than others when having a lot or they have grown to be greedy. Being rude is just the beginning of it, there are much worse situations that have escalated to violence. Money should not be as dangerous as it is.

    Money isn’t evil, Blueeeee. It’s just a way to ease transactions. We “can’t get rid of it,” as you say, but that doesn’t make it responsible for how it’s abused. GREED is the problem, right? You could go so far as to blame our culture: We worship the Dollar, and like all false gods, money does not offer salvation. The rudeness is something different (also not money’s fault). Because we worship money, people who have more of it feel superior. And that SENSE OF SUPERIORITY is what causes Rudeness. Right? If this is a Causal argument, those seem to be the steps you need to follow.

    P2.
    The poor are treated more unfairly than the rich are but when the less fortunate are put into positions with money they become greedy. This is expected but it shows how money takes the kindness out of people, it blinds them.

    What you REALLY WANT here, if the claim about poor people becoming rude following sudden wealth would be a SOURCE about big lottery winners who have lost their minds.

    The source you DO cite doesn’t demonstrate what you say it does. I’m not sure what it DOES demonstrate, but I know for sure you have my reaction to that on video.

    P3.
    In the article “Money attitude-an abridgement” the article explains that individuals may have a negative behavior due to childhood experiences, education, financial and social status. These are all accurate to cause a persons change in behavior but it still doesn’t give them the right to be mean. Learned behavior could be changed, if we feel like the way we act is wrong then we should want to change. No one deserves to be mistreated due to the way we grew up. Poor people tend to be mistreated or belittled by people that are richer, they feel like they have a right to act disrespectful due to the amount of money they have.

    Most of the claims in this paragraph are ETHICAL, not CAUSAL, Blueeee. The “due to”s are CAUSAL, but all the “rights” and “wrongs” and “shoulds” and others are ETHICAL.

    You could say something more like:

    When growing up we LEARN to act like those around us. We may not BE TOLD right from wrong, but we LEARN the difference BY OBSERVING OTHERS. We know who we should ASSOCIATE WITH and who we SHOULD AVOID. The article “Money attitude—an abridgement” explains that individuals may have EXPERIENCED POVERTY, NEGLECT, HUNGER OR EMOTIONAL STARVATION as a result of LOW FINANCIAL STATUS. UNDERSTANDABLY, THESE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS MIGHT STUNT A PERSON’S EMPATHY, and it MIGHT EXPLAIN why—WHEN THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN A MORE COMFORTABLE INCOME BRACKET they are UNSYMPATHETIC TO THE POOR. Learned behavior IS VERY HARD TO CHANGE. Poor people tend to be mistreated or belittled by people that are richer. THE RICH, APPARENTLY, feel THEIR WEALTH GIVES THEM THE right to BE disrespectful TO THE POOR.

    —See how you can present the same material in language that is almost all CAUSAL?
    —Let your readers draw the moral conclusions, Blueeee.
    —Show them the inequality; show them the injustice; show them how it happens.

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