A10: Definition Rewrite – jcirrs

My favorite animals are orca whales. SeaWorld Parks and Entertainment has been holding orca whales captive for over fifty years. Beloved animals are close to our hearts. Whether it is a pet or wild, everyone has a favorite animal. How would you feel if you knew your favorite animal would soon no longer be a part of this earth? What if you were told that your favorite animal was endangered? This means that a specific species of creatures are seriously at risk for extinction. Since SeaWorld is holding orcas captive, the species in the wild is growing smaller and smaller. SeaWorld does more harm to the orca species than good, causing the whales to become endangered in the wild.

The orca is not the only species endangered by parks and zoos. When visiting zoos, we can see that the animals are not starving or dying behind their cages. But too often, the causes of suffering tend to smudge our view of what is wrong. Animals in cages might automatically lead to us responding with sadness and quilt. We should not believe all captivity is helping these animals. Many consequences occur when being taken away from natural habitats, like a shortened life span and the inability to reproduce freely. Captive animals also ruin our circle of life. If all prey were captive, what would the predator eat? Nothing. That would lead to the predator starving to death and ultimately cause it to go extinct.

A large debate is whether or not to keep animals in zoos. 67% of people say no. Arguments presented include: once an animal is taken from the wild and placed in a zoo, it will never return to the wild. Most people view zoos as prisons and a sick form of entertainment. Animals are being taken away from their territory, natural habitat, and their families. Therefore, taking an animal out of the wild can cause endangerment. In the wild, animals already are born with the knowledge of how to hunt and care for their families and themselves. They are not born needing help.

Animals are not meant to be held captive. Captivity not only shortens lifespans of already captive animals, but animals in the wild because it affects the circle of life. Most people would agree that captivity is wrong and there needs to be an end to it. We do not want our wildlife being endangered any longer.

Work Cited

“Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?” Should We Keep Animals in Zoos? N.p., 2013. Web. 19 Oct. 2015.

Moosa, Tauriq. “Is Animal Captivity Wrong? | Big Think.” Big Think. N.p., 11 Mar. 2014. Web. 19 Oct. 2015.

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2 Responses to A10: Definition Rewrite – jcirrs

  1. jcirrs says:

    Feedback was requested.

    Feedback provided.


  2. davidbdale says:

    Happy Black Friday, jcirrs.

    P1. You don’t sound angry, jcirrs, but you should. You waste your first four sentences on a weak opening that doesn’t express any emotion. It just challenges readers to come up with an emotion of their own. Since they can’t quite imagine their pet cocker spaniel being “endangered,” they don’t quite know how to respond.

    You do, though. You’re angry at SeaWorld for doing more harm than good to your favorite species. They’re endangering orcas, and you’re not happy about it. You’d like them to stop, and that probably means shutting down the parks, unless you have thought of an alternative. (Could they humanely capture and bring an entire family into a protected environment to study them for the benefit of the whales? Probably, but then they wouldn’t be a theme park and the profit would disappear.)

    The only thing left for you to decide is whether you think SeaWorld is evil or just misguided. They certainly must claim that they’re helping to protect the species by displaying them to the public with the goal of gaining fans for their continued survival.

    You should start this paragraph with the fourth sentence: My favorite animals. Then, when you say that SeaWorld has been holding orcas for fifty years, tell us right away how that has endangered them. It’s not obvious. People don’t want to be told that going to these parks perpetuates a danger to them. You have to convince them that the park does more harm than good. That’s where your anger will help.

    Does this help?
    Reply, please.


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