Visual Rewrite—Pinkmonkey32

0:01- in this opening scene you get a young woman of asian descent. We know she is Asian by her facial features. She has long black straight hair on the corded landline phone and walks parallel to the counter, across the camera screen, while dragging her hand across the edge in a lost in the conversation kind of way.. She seems interested in the conversation because she has a big smile by the end of second 1. The kitchen looks old and outdated for a woman of her age so it’s to be assumed she is in a parents home or maybe a grandparent. You can tell this by the choice of outdated cabinets, dishwasher ,corded landline phone, and countertops.

The girl is wearing a long sleeve shirt with a t- shirt on top, this is important because the arm that is touching the counter which is her left arm has its sleeve rolled up causing me to believe she has just finished cooking. I feel this way because at the very start of the scene she starts standing right infront of the sink almost like she was washing dishes. You know she is finished cooking or cleaning because the counters are completely clean and so is she which means she has already cleaned up the kitchen mess.

The camera is also moving and following her as she moves across the kitchen as well as it is placed outside of the doorframe to the kitchen. I believe the camera is following her because she is deep in conversation on the phone to show her commitment to the phone call.

0:02- In the next clip we get a switch in perspective and we move to the kitchen where we find a man who looks to be the girl’s father/ owner of the home. He is sitting at a table and presumably eating the meal the girl just cooked for him. The frame slightly moves upwards from the table to his face to show that he’s eating.

This man’s image was particularly picked out; he has very thin, very short, gray hair. And big black framed glasses. These glasses look to be thick, telling me he has bad eyesight. They also specifically put him in a collared shirt which tells me he at one point maintained a stable job where his dress attire was put together. But I infer that he is no longer working because of the way his bones show through the shirt showing how frail he is.

0:03- this frame moves slightly to the left showing more that there is a figure sitting across the table from him, assuming this is the girl that was just standing next to the counter. I am assuming this because the figure has black straight hair like the girl before. As the frame moves over towards her figure the old man looks up from his food and smiles assuming it’s because of something this girl has said on the phone or because she sat down with him.

0:04- this clip has a perspective switch as well, the camera has now been placed in the kitchen and looking in the opposite way through the door frame (so looking out to the living room). The old man and the girl are both standing with blue medical masks on. The girl has her hand on his back showing that he is unstable and she is helping him. The old man has a coat on and is holding on to the door handle to stabilize himself as well as because he is leaving the home.

0:05- while looking at this clip in the same frame as the other you can now tell that the girl is placing a plastic bag into his coat pocket. Assuming they are going to the store. 

You can tell by the decor in the living room that this is in fact not her home and is definitely the old mans just based on the old fashioned rug under the table, the old clock, the couch, and the chosen artwork looks faded. The couch specifically has an old outdated pattern to it showing that this couch has to be old.

0:06- in this clip the girl is now by herself sitting in a dining room, she seems stressed and tired based on the facial expression she is making. She is sitting there in a wooden chair at a wooden table, placing what I’m assuming are her fathers supplements into pill containers so that he takes all the right pills on the right days. This is a night and morning pill container which means this man is on a strict schedule and needs these pills at those times to function. 

All of the sorting through the pills though draws your attention right to her hands where you can see her wedding band. The wedding band there shows that she’s missing time home with her loved one to take care of her father. Hence why she is so overwhelmed and tired. This causes me to believe the phone call earlier could have been to her loved one that she hasnt had much time to talk too.

0:07- this frame quickly switches to a close up of her face where she quickly turns her ahead to the left in alert to something. Whatever is happening off the left of the screen we know is not alarming based on her face. It’s not the old man because she seems calm in the situation just based on her facial expression. 

This could have been a knock on the door or maybe another phone call. As well as it could have just been a noise the house made that didn’t sound familiar.

0:08- 0:09- in these clips you see the girl helping to dress her father and make him look presentable in a bedroom. Over the past few clips you notice now that her clothes have been changing meaning she is here everyday to help her father. 

Even more in this clip than others he is positioned in a way that really emphasizes how sick and thin he is. He is turned just enough to show him from the side and also from the front. In this clip she also tugs along the arms of the shirt which show how much extra fabric is just folding over because it’s too big for him now.

Also noted this bedroom has very old curtains that have these palm leaves and pink flowers. Just adding to the old feel of this home and really emphasizing that it’s not her home.

0:10- in this clip you see the girl sitting at the dining room table and the camera is not facing the table but shows just enough of the table and the living room to show both the man and the woman in the frame. The old man is sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand turning up the tv because he can’t hear it. But the woman sitting at the table is on her laptop 

0:11- this clip is showing the same image but now you can see the girl slightly turn her head in shock that it is so loud when she is doing work. She does not completely look back at him showing me that she is frustrated but she doesn’t want to take it out on him so she stops herself half way.

0:12-  The camera zooms in on the woman showing her aggressively blinking which shows her annoyance as she places her headphones on her ears. Her gaze is now focused upon her computer again and we assume she is resuming her work.

0:13- the young woman is now lying in the same bedroom that she was dressing her father in showing not only is she helping her dad but she is also staying there with him. You can tell it is the same room based on the curtains that were described before. At this point you can see the exhaustion on her face and can just tell that she is overwhelmed by her situation.

In bed she is on her phone and shaking her head. Based upon those actions you can feel how overwhelmed she is about taking care of her father.

0:14- 0:15-  The camera moves back showing a more wide version of how she is laying down and a box appears on the screen as her fingers move on her phone in a typing motion words start to pop up in the box. Showing that the box is the search bar on her phone. As she types the words “Medicare tips” pops up in the box. This even more shows that she wants help and is struggling to do this all on her own.

We know she’s alone in doing this because of the lack of her mother figure as well as no one else is present in the video making it so you know it’s just her helping.

0:16- in frame 16 the frame starts focusing on a box of files that the woman is going through and then it pans up to her face to show her focus in looking for something like a document or such. There is also another box behind the one she is going through making it so that you see how much of this paperwork she is going through.

0:17-  The frame continues to lift until it gives you a clear image of these boxes sitting on top of what looks to be a treadmill or some type of workout machine. They put this there to show that neither her or her father are working out or getting the exercise that they should be. This treadmill is also very outdated which was another choice to show how old the house is.

0:18- This clip switches to her sitting in what looks to be a home office based on the desk and desk lamp. She is sitting at the desk in front of a pile of boxes full of files. She has been going through these files because there is a stack of them on her desk. She looks overwhelmed based on the fact that she places her hands on her face.

0:19- the girl’s hand switches from covering her face to a position as if she was shielding her face from light, but she’s not. She is using this motion to show her frustration and she’s also using this position to lean against the table showing her exhaustion as well.

0:20- 0:21- The woman is looking out the window at what looks to be a beautiful day out and she still looks sad. This shows she’s having a hard time enjoying things now. The motion of the camera also moves around her while she is all alone, symbolizing how alone she’s feeling. This scene could also be her looking outside symbolizing her looking for clarity and help. This could also symbolize her feeling trapped there and like she can’t enjoy the outside

0:22- in this frame the old man is sitting in his chair reading a book when the girl who previously was somber, runs to him with a tablet in her hand. She then gets down on her knees to be level with him and starts to show something that’s on the tablet

0:23-0:24- this clip is zoomed in on their faces as she gives him the tablet. They zoom in because for the first time since clip one we see the woman smile. Her pure joy in this scene is shown through that and the way she has her arms up around him. The old man is smiling too because of how happy the woman is.

0:25-0:26- we see the woman planting a pot outside as the words show up on the screen. We can only see her hands but we know it’s her based off of the plaid shirt she is wearing. From this we can tell that the woman used this resource and has now found a way to make sure her father is taken care of without all the stress

0:27-0:30- the frame is moved from just her hands planting the pot to her face where you can see how happy and relieved she is to be doing something that is bringing her joy. The tips she used when looking them up in bed worked and she can now relax and do things. This ad was meant to promote and show how much stress is put upon caregiving and that with just using their website she was to not feel trapped inside and was able to go outside and do things that she wanted too.

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5 Responses to Visual Rewrite—Pinkmonkey32

  1. davidbdale says:

    I renamed this post Visual Rewrite, PinkMonkey. All feedback and revisions are conducted on the Rewrite posts. Before you revise this post, make an exact copy and call it Visual—PinkMonkey. That will remain unchanged and provide a comparison between your first and your final drafts.


  2. pinkmonkey32 says:

    If I could have feedback that would get my grade up to a A level that would be great!


  3. davidbdale says:

    A detailed analysis of the first second of video usually helps as advice, PinkMonkey. Let’s try it. I’ll react to your descriptions WITHOUT WATCHING the video.
    0:01- In this opening scene you get a young asian decent woman with black straight hair on the phone and walking parallel to the counter while dragging her hand across the edge.

    You mean a young woman of Asian descent, PinkMonkey. Do we know she’s Asian BECAUSE of her hair? Walking parallel to the counter toward the camera? Or walking across the screen perpendicular to the camera angle? In other words, walking toward us? away from us? What’s the counter? Workshop bench? Food prep kitchen? Restaurant? Office? Home kitchen? On a cell phone? A corded landline? A hands-free headset? Significance of the dragging hand? Keeping her balance? Lost in thought?

    The difference between the Visual and the Rhetorical halves of the assignment, PinkMonkey, is that we can accurately describe what we’re seeing, but we HAVE TO GUESS about WHY the directors made the choices they made.

    Is the Asian woman in a big room or a small one? Is it empty, or full of furniture and fixtures? Any indication of day or night? Occupied or not occupied by anyone other than her? Is the lighting artificial or natural? Any windows to indicate time of day? How about outside the windows: any indication of where the room is? A generally comforting atmosphere, or dark with danger and menace? Are we hopeful for her? Afraid what might happen? Sympathetic?

    Fortunately, our brains help us jump to conclusions about all these questions and countless others. Filmmakers manipulate what they know will be our reactions. If the “ad” is successful, WHAT WE FEEL is what THEY WANT US TO FEEL.

    Our brains recognize people, objects, and settings in enough detail for us to tell our readers WHAT WE SEE. At the same time, our brains ALWAYS DRAW JUDGMENTS from what they see, based on context. Whatever our brains GUESS about WHY the filmmakers are using a visual is what we want to communicate in the Rhetoric portion of the assignment.

    Every character, whatever their other purposes, is cast for their age, body type, race, gender, social status, and attractiveness. You’ve identified age, race, gender, but not much else. You haven’t mentioned others. Is the subject here by herself? Are there others nearby? Is she with them? Is she alone by choice? Is she at work? At home?

    She seems interested in the conversation because she has a big smile by the end of second 1.
    Why her? Why the young Asian woman?

    The kitchen looks old and outdated for a woman of her age so it’s to be assumed she is in a parents home or maybe a grandparent.
    Brilliant. Whether your conclusion is TRUE or NOT does not make it wrong. You’re sharing the IMPRESSION created in you, the viewer, from the VISUALS that the Authors (filmmakers in this case) have shown you. Thank you for identifying the room as the kitchen. All other questions about the environment remain to be answered. If it later turns out that your Subject is in her own home, you’ll have to explain either WHY the filmmakers were justified in “tricking you” at first, or THAT they simply failed to communicate clearly.

    The girl is wearing a long sleeve shirt with a t- shirt on top, this is important because the arm that is touching the counter has its sleeve rolled up causing me to believe she has just finished cooking.

    I love this attention to the wardrobe. I can’t tell whether you mean both sleeves are rolled. You seem to be suggesting that she rolled the sleeve of her preferred arm (lefty-righty) to perform a chore and left the other unrolled. Is there a finished dish to indicate she’d been cooking. Might she have been cleaning? What else can we see? The countertops? Tools? Cookware? Fixtures that indicate age or quality of fittings? Decor? Cheerfulness/Drabness/Neglect?

    You know she is finished cooking because the counters are completely clean and so is she which means she has already cleaned up the kitchen mess.

    Beautiful. It’s a lot to conclude. You’re reacting to what you see and reporting it. Bravo. How do we know she cooked before cleaning?

    The camera is also moving and following her as she moves across the kitchen as well as it is placed outside of the doorframe to the kitchen.

    How come? Does our view feel invited? Clandestine? Are we eavesdropping? Was it staged? Is this a casual moment that could have been caught by anyone standing in the dining room? Is that where we’re standing? Or are we outdoors looking in?

    Not EVERYTHING matters, PinkHeart, but ALMOST EVERYTHING does, and we don’t know for sure in the first few seconds what DOES and what DOESN’T. So the best review of the opening moments describes EVERYTHING that occurs to us from the details we’re shown.

    Later, we can start to mention patterns. But for now, everything MIGHT BE the beginning of an argument.


  4. davidbdale says:

    You have an opportunity, if you seek extra credit, PinkMonkey, to compare this 30-second version with a 60-second version. It would give you a chance to compare what the Authors were able to accomplish with a full minute of visuals, how they edited the work to accomplish the same Rhetorical Goals in half the time, and how WELL or POORLY they accomplished the editing challenge.


  5. davidbdale says:

    Is she married? Single? Separated, widowed, divorced? Living apart from her spouse because her aging parent needs live-in care and lives remote from her spousal home?


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