But Enough About You

But Enough About You

Eliminate 2nd Person

I’ve said many times that in this class the use of 2nd person language (you, your, yours, yourself, yourselves) is an error to be avoided, one which, in fact, could fail a paper. Most of you either never used “you” speech in academic writing or have successfully expunged it. Some are still using it though, and everyone can benefit from tips on how to successfully work around the most common abuses of “you.”

Text Riddled with 2nd Person Language

Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any. Money is valuable in different ways, even when you don’t see it physically. In today’s society you must have faith in the government and in the banking system that your money is being handled in the proper manner; if not, then you would have to hide all of your money under your mattress or around your house. I have no clue what happens in the banks, or how they take care of your money. I always thought money was simple; you either have some or you don’t—that’s it. However, being introduced to this assignment, the Yap Fei, US gold, French francs, Brazilian cruzeros, and debit accounts now seem similar. You don’t actually see your money being transferred. When you get paid, you aren’t handed cash, you don’t receive a physical check, the money’s all directly transferred to your bank account, and you just have to trust that you got more money.

Model Revisions for the First Sentence

Original Text

Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any.

Replace with First Person

Money seems to have a big role in our society; we can’t do much or get far if we don’t have any.

Convert Active Verbs to Passive Verbs

Money has such a big role in our society that not much gets done without it.

Replace Pronouns with nouns

The rich get things done in our society while the poor are powerless.

Eliminate People

Money, without which nothing gets done, drives our society.

In-Class Instructions

Problems and Solutions

  • Cut and paste these sentences into a new post called “Enough About You—Username.”
  • Put the post into two categories: Enough About You, and your Username.
  • Revise them to eliminate all 2nd person language.
  1. Taxpayers wonder whether the amount spent on students makes a difference. If you really think about it, yes it does. Ask any parent whose child goes to an expensive school.
  2. There are different types of injuries that happen in each sport.  Would you object if you knew that a surgery performed before any injury occurs could make an athlete stronger?
  3. Imagine your body being consumed by a drug. You would do anything to get this drug and you don’t worry about the consequences that come with it.
  4. By inviting Syrians in, you’re causing more problems than you’re solving.
  5. Does the idea of not actually having your money on-hand sound trivial?
  6. That little green piece of paper in your pocket holds no actual value other than the cost it took to produce it, and yet you will work your whole life just to acquire more of those little green pieces of paper just so you can take them and stick them in a bank.
  7. So just remember the next time you read a bank statement or look at dollar bill that you’re holding an made up value that someone decided to make up. Without it, you might still be having to trade with goods like livestock and produce.
  8. I now understand that a dollar is only worth what you can receive in exchange for it.
  9. Being able to walk around with money without holding the money in your hand brings me back around to the idea of the stone because, just like stone currency, you don’t need to be in physical possession of these Bitcoins to own them.
  10. We hear people talk about the American Dream, which requires that you have enough of these pieces of paper to be financially stable. If you think about it deeply you will realize, that you receive these pieces of paper called money and base your whole life on them.
  11. Money is an adroit concept and its pursuit lasts a lifetime. Your goal from the moment you start school is to join the game of making enough of these pieces of paper to make your life more fun and acceptable.

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