Reflective – comatosefox

Core Value 1. My work demonstrates that I used a variety of social and interactive practices that involve recursive stages of exploration, discovery, conceptualization, and development.

I am not a novice writer, from having to take an English class almost every year of my academic life. I have had a love-hate relationship with writing, I have had an IEP my entire school life. The way we went about deadlines and gathering bits of our research paper was difficult for me. Which would make it the most challenging comp class I’ve had, I have a hard time asking for help, I hate receiving feedback on my work. I have done a terrible job at keeping up with messages and work. I fully deserve the lack of help I’ve gotten, I was able to get help from friends during one or two assignments. I just hate formal writing so I try to avoid thinking or working on something I dislike. Yet I still tried to get the research cogs turning, I tried to find sources on a topic I was still unclear and unsure about, pushing through the blockades I was met with. I cannot pat myself on the back this semester, and would generally be surprised to get a high grade. I failed this semester in my own head and hate to  bring personal problems into school, but things happened this year that crushed me, but I’m still to blame.

Core Value 2. My work demonstrates that I read critically, and that I placed texts into conversation with one another to create meaning by synthesizing ideas from various discourse communities.

Core Value 3. My work demonstrates that I rhetorically analyzed the purpose, audience, and contexts of my own writing and other texts and visual arguments.

Core Value 4: My work demonstrates that I have met the expectations of academic writing by locating, evaluating, and incorporating illustrations and evidence to support my own ideas and interpretations.

Core Value 5. My work demonstrates that I respect my ethical responsibility to represent complex ideas fairly and to the sources of my information with appropriate citation.

I know this isn’t what you wanted but I can’t write enough for just one Core Value.

To be honest I can’t say yes to any of these, not to drag myself through the mud, but I have no way of actually being able to tell if I did alright. I can’t recognize things in writing, I have always mixed things up and said one thing, just to be proven wrong. And still not understand what I did wrong. 

I don’t know if I placed text in good locations or if I just needed to fill the void. I physically can’t re-read my work in order to see if I followed a string of thoughts in the correct direction or just threw whatever came to mind on paper. 

I’ve been told all my life to find ways to fluff when need be and I hate fluff. If I can say something short and sweet that’s how I will write it, not beating around the bush. What’s the point but that’s what saves you a few hundred words now and then.

I believe that I have put evidence that helps andis just there because my mind has convinced me It works yet to a trained or normal person just does not work at all.

I have bibliographies, but I find them useless. If someone is interested in a source they must read it themselves. Why do I need to prove that I read something? I understand that academically this is important so you can weed out those who put in random sources, but not every source is cited. I use sources as guides and info that I can mold, but in the moment I will not cite and then lose it in a sea of information that I somehow put together.

I said at the beginning of the semester that I hate English, and I am half right. I hate english, i hate its writing rules and how it’s so strict about being followed. I have never been able to engrain these rules into my head. Grammar, structure, whatever a bunch of words need to make sense, doesn’t make sense to me.

I love creative writing, the less harsh rules, the rhymes, the flow that I can follow to my heart’s content no matter how strange the type of writing I love. But all this society wants is proper, formal and harsh english rules and classes which do not work for everyone.

I have done a terrible job this semester and will most likely fail… I accept the fate I gave myself in this time of confusion and stress. I could’ve, would’ve and should’ve done more but never did.

So I decided to do this writing my way, in complete chaos, because that’s how my brain works. I wish we had met in a more creative setting, you would be shocked by how far I may go if you saw my creative writings.

About comatosefox

Just a fox in a coma
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1 Response to Reflective – comatosefox

  1. davidbdale says:

    For your sake, I wish this were a different course, too, Fox. I’m just as happy to have met you under these circumstances though. If you want to produce 1000 words or so of creative chaos on the topic of your Hypothesis, I’d be honored and delighted to receive it and critique it for you under a very different rubric than the one we use to judge academic argument.

    If you choose to do so, please title it “Lacrosse, My Way,” and put it in the category davidbdale along with your own username. Thanks! I look forward to it. 🙂


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