Class 16 THU MAR 09
PHASE ONE (We accomplished this phase on TUE OCT 25):
- Read “The Dilemma of the Skincare World” by schoolcookiemonster.
- Leave a Reply praising its author specifically for what you found most impressive about the argument.
- Leave a Second Reply with a more critical response indicating where you were confused by, or not convinced by, or downright antagonistic to the argument.
(We’ll work on this part today, THU OCT 27)
- Open the page: Definition Rewrite Workshop
- You will be assigned a paragraph.
- Work with your group to absorb and analyze the feedback for the paragraph.
- Select one of your group members to “present” the feedback to the rest of the class.
- Present feedback for the paragraph.
- Leave detailed reactions to the feedback sessions in your daily Agenda Notes.
We spent class going over different things we recognized in the Cosmetics Essay and defending why we believe those things. Then we started the assignment how to start an argument
March 9 Comp Notes
We began class by going over an assignment that was created for annotations.
Fellow classmates gave their opinion on their assigned paragraphs, further discussing if they agree with the claims being made by the writer in the paragraphs. Different classmates gave their opinions as well, further diving into their opinions on the argument. We went over different scenarios of the claims being made to get a better understanding of the different stand points on the argument.
We also went over how to start an argument. We went over the in class exercise about making strong claims and sentences. We went over if the writer should believe what they are arguing in their work.
For the majority class we looked over an example of a revised sample work from school cookiemonster. Last class we were assigned sections of the work to look at and summarize what is wrong with the paragraph and how to fix it. We are then given an assignment to read a text and create an introduction paragraph from it.
-Phase two made me realize the aspect of reading carefully and analyzing every single word of an essay. It matters in your argument.
-Be clear and give the reader clear information and facts to prove your point.
-How you word things in an argument is vital, especially the first sentence of your entire essay. Draw the reader.
First, we looked through a sample essay called “The Dilemma of the Skincare World,” and looked through each paragraph on by one to look at the strengths and the flaws. In certain paragraphs, the author needs to be more clear with what he is stating and make more specific claims with more context. There are many things that need rewording because the claim sometimes is not clear. We looked at this because we can also get a criticism of our Definition Argument in a similar way so we can get a lot of feedback.
We then discussed how to start an argument in writing. We looked at a flyer that didn’t communicate its claim in a good way. It claimed that you should get a credit card, and it says “pay 4% more”, which doesn’t show why it is a good idea to buy on credit. To make a better argument, you can say that you save 4% and the savings are passed onto you. We also looked at 7 examples of opening sentences, and the first, “An argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost”. The other sentences are pointless, like “There are several ways an argument can be started,” which doesn’t communicate a clear point and doesn’t hook the reader’s attention to keep reading on the several ways an argument can be started. A good opening argument has to have persuasion, truth, clarity, and premise.
Wake up: The picture after staring in the middle for 20 seconds makes the picture move and wiggle with the brush strokes.
Lecture/Demo/Exercise: We went over phase 1 in Tuesday’s class and we are going over phase 2 which was to be completed before class today that involves our analysis of the paragraphs assigned to us. My paragraph was #5. In paragraph 5 the professor had an in-depth conversation with a student about how the paragraph lacked clarity and how the sources for paragraph 5 did not help its case and lacked any good sources to help back up all the claims made.
How to start an argument: It’s advice on how to begin. A bad first sentence can lose your reader right from the start.
-During feedback, Prof. will tear your essay apart bit by bit
-You don’t have to listen to all his advice
-Sometimes its easier to win over readers by flipping the negatives of one choice to positives of another
-A good opening sentence is both memorable while telling you what the essay will be about
-Complete the Open Strong reading and reply with an opening paragraph based on the reading by midnight
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Class today focused primarily on analyzing the cosmetics definition argument of a former student. The class, as a whole, was quite effective at discerning the author’s strong arguments from the confused arguments. I particularly took issue with the sixth paragraph, which I feel buries a very strong case under some very poor writing.
At the end, we covered the Marshmallow test. It is a classic bit of childhood psychological study where children are given a marshmallow and told they will receive a second when the adult comes back to the room. The initial designer of the study believed it proved the the children who could delay gratification were better and would do better in life. A different analysis, focused on the environment the children are raised in, shows that children who are frequently betrayed will not trust the adult. So, its not exactly an in-born inferiority.
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In the beginning of class, we picked out different revisions that students did on Tuesday. We pointed out the errors and how the revisions made a different to each paragraph. Look hard at what claims are made in a definition argument. In particular, paragraph 6 was a simple fix. Readers found it to be insulting and that author makes it seem that people are vulnerable to being manipulated to the ingredients in cosmetics. Make a proposal argument to change people’s minds. We may be making arguments we don’t exactly agree with. First sentence should be persuasive. We won’t prove anything, but we can be persuasive. We want the reader to be receptive. Our argument may challenge our readers. We need to maintain our credibility. Be clear. Be ambiguous as long as you’re clear about the claims you’re making. You have to have premises to base your argument. Arguments can be lost in the first sentence. By the end of class, we covered the Marshmallow test. Children are given a marshmallow and told they will receive a second when the adult comes back to the room so that the child believes the parent. Maybe the parent doesn’t come back, or they do, and they don’t get another marshmallow. Maybe the children don’t trust it.
Analyzing schoolcookiemonster’s essay “The Dilemma of the Skincare World”: Basically keep things straight to the point when writing your essay paragraphs. Be careful with your word because your readers can interpret them completely differently than what you intended them to mean. The bottom line is be careful with your word choice. “Every paragraph can be critiqued ruthlessly, but effectively if read by someone who has been writing for a long time.” Critiquing harshly is difficult, however, necessary for our papers to be the best they can be. You do not want to sound “preachy” as a writer. Use the “people are simple creatures” example. Perhaps change the word “people” to “we” because it puts yourself in the pool of people. You are merely a person, not an all-knowing God.
There are almost always multiple approaches to sharing a piece of data in papers. There are bad and good way to say things in writing that can either turn your readers against you or agree with your point. You want to target the majority who have not hardened their position on your topic yet. You want to persuade those who do not know whether to agree with your or not.
Vague laws on race for example: Hodges believes that lawmakers in the education system deliberately make the laws on what to say/what not to say on race vague so they can weed out the teachers they want/do not want to keep. The lawmakers want flexibility with the laws so that they can keep the teachers who have the same racial beliefs as them. This connects with Hodges’ point on persuading readers who are undecided.
– When going through the cosmetics essay, we saw how some things said where ineffective in getting the point across. We then saw how to revise it to make it work better.
– There are multiple approaches to sharing a piece of data. For example, instead of saying if you pay with card you will have to pay a 4% fee. Instead, you can say if you pay with cash, you will get a 4% discount.
– When you write you want to write towards the people that are in the middle when it comes to your argument. They are persuadable.
– Opening sentences are important, an argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost.
– A first sentence should be persuasive, truthful, clear and they have to have premises.
– We talked about the marshmallow test which was very interesting. It found that kids who ate the marshmallow right away instead of waiting for the second one suffered from a lack of will power throughout their lives.
– We talked about the revisions and feedback of a definition argument.
– You want to use the correct wording when trying to draw your readers attention to keep reading or in the example today to pay in cash.
– When you are writing an argument essay you don’t have to start of the essay with a true statement. But it should be persuasive.
– Complete the open strong exercise
Class Notes 3/9:
-Great discussion using the definition/categorical essay about skin care products. A lot learned on how to properly define our thesis. Also a lot of great information and insight into skin products.
-You can link anyone to any other person, just like you can ultimately link any topic to another topic and one object to another.
-So many great takeaways on how to properly define, categorize, phrase, connect, and so much more techniques from the skincare paper that I’ll definitely keep in mind when writing and revising my papers. Super insightful and valuable.
-How to start an Argument: Headline; a certain action, percentage, editorial explanation. Example: Card fee; When you buy on credit!; pay 4% more; New government rules allow it. This is a total turn off to customers and they feel like they’re being told what to do. However if you phrase it as the customer can save 4% when they pay with cash, it seems like much more of an incentive and less of a threat/demand
– Choosing the Good Opening Sentence: 1. An argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost.
-Marshmallow Test: Children were given a marshmallow as a test. The test is that tiff they don’t eat if while the supervisor leaves, they get another. This develops gobblers and nibblers. Although it may not seem like it, these decisions shape decision making in people for their entire lives. Nibblers can become more abstainant down the road which can be beneficial. However, Gobblers may also benefit from their decision by taking advantage of what’s in front of them and not banking on what may or may not happen.
Looked at Van Goghs painting the way it was meant to be seen as
Using “in the past and present” is very unnecessary
We can use a single word like “continue”
When using statistical quotes explain why that is important
If you would like ruthless feedback ask for school cookie monster feedback
If not, ask for corrections on grammar.
Using words like ‘linked to causing” is a poor choice
Its either linked or causing
Using the word causing is a better choice if you can use, stronger argument
Using “we” and “us”
People are offended when the author say “people are simple creatures”
Need to get rid of superiority when writing
– This is simple to avoid by making it relatable; include yourself as “people”
– Use “we” and “us” so the reader does not feel attacked
HOW TO OPEN A LECTURE
– It’s all in how you say it.
No one want to be told they are being penalized
– card fee OR how to avoid it
The attitude you give to your readers in the opening is important
HOW MANY PEOPLE OUT OF IOO PEOPLE ARE YOU WRITING FOR
You aren’t writing for the 1 person that agree with you from the start cause you dont change any minds
Target those who don’t know everything about the topic
Write for the people who can be persuaded
First sentence should be persuasive
We need to maintain credibility and stay clear
The beginning of class started with going over the article about skincare. We went over that some of the larger skincare companies have inaccurate products because they are not really regulating the labels because of a technicality with the word “drug”. We also went over the cosmetic definition argument and discussed our reactions to this. We went through certain claims and identified them. We saw that the entire argument example essay in the first paragraph. When we talked about rewriting the sign in order to entice customers and how that idea can relate to our writing. When writing something you should always try to spin your argument in order to entice your readers instead of alienating them. Your writing should target people who don’t already know a lot about your topic so that you can Influence you readers minds. You want to aim your writing to people who are undecided that topic so that you can sway indecisive readers.
We saw an optical illusion on the starry night painting.
Went over the dilemma in skincare and went through the paragraphs
How to reword arguments with the same information.
We spent a portion of the class analyzing schoolcookiemonster’s argumentative essay. We went through the first paragraph and Professor showed us how he turned the first write into something that defines the argument within one paragraph with his feedback.
How to open a lecture: “It’s all in how you say it”
It’s all in the first sentence. The goal of your paper is to have your reader’s read the entirety of the essay. In order to do so, you have to capture their attention.
“An argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost.”
“Success in arguing depends on persuading readers of the truth if a clearly stated premise.”
1. We are not proving anything in our essays
2. We will persuade our readers by being reasonable
1. We will state our case truthfully
2. If we lie, we will lose the argument
1. We need to make sure our readers understand what we are saying
2. If we are not understood, we lose the argument
1. Our premises cannot be false, but they cannot be obvious
2. These require evidence and persuasion
Open Strong assignment due by tonight by 11:59pm.
Schoolcookiemonster: We discussed their paper on skin products and their ignored toxicity by the FDA. Paragraph by paragraph we examined the quality of their definitional/categorical arguments.
The “Credit Card Fee” advertisement: as an example of how one can shape a claim that conveys the same message but offers a positive angle rather than an angle that would discourage the reader.
Opening Paragraph Assignment DUE TODAY @ 11:59pm.
Lecture/demo: We discuss “The Dilemma of the Skincare World” and go over the feedback from this definition argument. Students elaborate on their feedback on the paragraph they were assigned. I found this example of this student’s feedback to be very helpful to look out for in future essays.
The way of phrasing a sentence that sounds condensing and insulting will be less convincing to your audience rather than doing this related to your audience and the shared experience makes your claim more persuasive.
How to start an argument:
How you open your argument matters a lot, it can either alienate your readers or intrigued them. The way you present for argument can alter how your audience received your claim. Your aim is toward people who don’t have a strong constructed side yet, you want to persuade those individuals the most.
The first sentence should be persuasive and hold truth. We need to be clear about our premise.
Professor Hodges showed us a student’s argument and explained to us how we can make our arguments more well-written. He also showed us what to do and what not to do, and how we should write in order to make the readers engaged with our proposal.
We can ask for feedback on our 1,000 word argument, like schoolcookiemonster. Professor Hodges is not picking on us!
Every paragraph can be critiqued ruthlessly.
We can say “we” instead of “people” because it forms a connection between the author and the readers, instead of making it seem like we are grouping people into categories excluding ourselves from that category.
There are multiple approaches to sharing a piece of data. How we open our argument matters a lot. The attitude we give out to our readers is very important within our opening paragraph. Our target audience are the people who are persuadable, the people who are in the middle and do not have their mind made up yet.
We can pick and choose who to prosecute, and persuade the people who do not have their minds made up.
We can make arguments we don’t exactly agree with.
We need a good first sentence and a good opening paragraph that will draw the readers in to wanting to read more and more.
The first sentence should be persuasive, and we are not really going to prove anything.
We need to maintain our credibility, we are not allowed to lie, and we can be ambiguous as long as we are clear.
An argument can be lost in the first sentence.
We will not prove anything in our essays, but we will persuade our readers.
We will state our case truthfully.
DO NOT keep the readers wondering because we will lose the argument.
We need to convince our readers of something, so the premises cannot be false, but neither can they be obvious. Premises require evidence and persuasion.
Today, Professor Hodges talked about the article “The Dilemma of the Skincare World” and explained the errors made. This showed us how to properly write, there shouldn’t be too much information that bores the reader. But there also should be enough to grab the readers attention. The revised paragraphs got the point across the same way but it just made more sense. There’s an opening assignment that was given and is due tonight,
– discussed personal observations and further analyzed sample paragraphs as a class
-determined that much of the sample argument was not persuasive or specific enough to the author’s original claim
How to Start an Argument
– due by midnight tonight, 3/9
–finish in-class activity, hoe to open a strong argument
-An argument can be lost in the first sentence
-Success in arguing depends on persuading readers of the truth of a clearly stated premise
-The four aspects of this are, persuasion, truth, clarity and premise
^We will persuade our readers by being reasonable but firm
^Truth is different than proof, we will state our case truthfully
^Our claims, to persuade, must be clear
^Premises can’t be false or obvious, they require evidence and persuasion
– While looking through and going over the skincare essay we were advised on what not to do and what we should take away when writing our own essay.
– The importance of how you word things can completely change the connotation as well as be drastically more persuasive. The example we were given in class would be instead of saying if you pay with card you will have to pay a 4% fee. Instead, you can say if you pay with cash, you will get a 4% discount.
– When writing your essay your looking to persuade all readers but mostly the readers that are undecided about the topic those are key targets.
– Your opening sentence is one of the most important sentences because if you can’t grab the readers attention you not gonna be able to grab it halfway through, they will just loose interest. an argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost.
–Your first sentence should be truthful but also persuasive so that means telling only the truth of the parts you want to be told.
– Discussing the marshmallow experiment. In this experiment where kids were sat down in front of a marshmallow and told not to eat it till their parent came back, when the child was left alone some decided to eat the marshmallow, some just licked it and put it down, and some left it right where it was. Years later they checked back in with those kids who did the experiment and found the kids who ate the marshmallow are now very impulsive