Police Brutality Goes Beyond Just Murder Cases
Growing up I remember all of my friends wanting to become police officers because they prevented crime and had a reputation for keeping everyone safe. Dressed in nice uniforms, decent salary and was able to carry a gun. I’m sure none of my friends were aware of how dangerous police officers can be as they sometimes abuse their authority. A common result of police officers abusing their authority is police brutality. Police brutality is the deliberate use of excessive force that is usually physical but in few cases verbal, by a police officer. In most known cases of police brutality, the victim normally ends up dead. However, the very few victims who survive the beatings end up with psychological disorders that can be treated but not cured.
One of the most common psychological disorders that are a result of police brutality is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a serious psychiatric disorder that normally occurs from life threatening situations which makes sense as to why most victims of police brutality develop it. Common symptoms of PTSD is hallucinations, flashbacks, isolation, lost of interest, irritability, insomnia and outburst of anger. PTSD cannot be cured but it can be treated by a variety of medications such as Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc that control the feelings of anxiety. Also, therapy helps victims of PTSD cope with their issues but many decide not cooperate with it because of isolation and their lack of interest.
An article on Copblock titled “The Long-Term Effects of Police Brutality” was written by a victim of police brutality that is currently suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), chronic anxiety attacks and is borderline agoraphobic. Before becoming a victim of police brutality, the victim instilled all her trust into the law enforcement as she believed that police officers had a job of protecting people not hurting them. However, she talks about how sun up to sun down she lives in fear as she is afraid of going anywhere since her attack by a police officer occurred. “The impact of police brutality please stop victimizing people especially when they are rendered as defenseless it is not necessary. Bullying is NOT allowed in our schools and it most CERTAINLY should not be tolerated on the streets especially by authority we are supposed to be able to depend on.” This victim went from trusting police officers to suffering from PSTD and anxiety attacks because of them.
The victim who wrote “The Long-Term Effects of Police Brutality” isn’t the only one suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. As previously stated it is fairly common that PTSD is a rational human response to extremely violent situations such as police brutality. Matt Agorist who wrote the article “The Unreported PTSD Problem Among Victims of Police State Violence” stated “Sadly, the violence that now causes these people to loose sleep at night is taboo, but even more than that no one even wants to admit that this violence exists.” According to Matt Agorist, people who suffer from PTSD because of police brutality related issues aren’t recognized and in most cases ignored to protect the police officers reputation. This only makes the issue worst as the victims of PTSD not only suffer alone but know there isn’t anyone that could possibly help them.
Police brutality has been an ongoing issue in our society for decades but has been getting more attention due to the amount of victims that are killed each year because of it. In most cases these victims are unarmed and are mainly African-American males who have been murdered because police officers don’t know when to use appropriate force instead of excessive force. However, the amount of killings hasn’t been the worst of it but instead the amount of victims who survive the brutality that now suffer daily from psychological disorders that can only be treated. Not only do these victims suffer from chronic anxiety attacks, phobias and in most cases Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder they suffer these disorders alone as the law enforcement try to cover these cases and leave them unnoticed to protect their behalf.
“Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).” WebMD. WebMD. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
“The Long Term Effects of Police Brutality | Cop Block.” Cop Block. 15 Feb. 2012. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
Agorist, Matt. “The Unreported PTSD Problem Among Victims of Police State Violence.” The Free Thought Project. 7 July 2014. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
Ryan, Tom. “Police Brutality: The Impact on the Victims.” EHow. Demand Media. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
Please fix the Headline to CAUSAL and correct the spelling of your own username.
P1. Your first sentence is a strong opener, casablanca. It derives much of its power from the fact that it follows the headline, which telegraphs that your friends were wrong.
–Your second sentence is fine in concept but contains several grammar errors you shouldn’t be making. Find and fix them if you can; otherwise, ask for help, please.
I won’t spend a lot of time on writing mechanics at this stage, cb, but you’re using too many sentences to share simple ideas here. The repetitions are clues that you need to condense your paragraph.
The next sentences show a problem of emphasis. You want to admit that not all brutality is physical, but you interrupt a scathing indictment of fatal brutality with your odd disclaimer.
It’s hard to reconcile the victim of verbal abuse ending up dead.
More to come.
Helpful so far, fromcasablanca?
I’m still willing to provide additional feedback, fromcasablanca, but I need your reply first.
Yes I need additional feedback in order to revise the rest properly before tomorrow. Thank you
So far I’ve revised the portion I was given feedback on just did not submit yet because I’m waiting to revise the rest. So far I appreciate the feedback I was given and realized the errors I made.
P1. I don’t think we can call “police brutality” a result of “excessive force.” It’s certainly an example of excessive force. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Police can be threatening, they can intimidate, they can place suspects into very stressful positions, all of which could be described as brutality: brutal behavior. Excessive force is only different when it’s physical. You seem to say so in your next sentence: brutality IS the deliberate use of excessive force. So, does one cause the other?
P2. Are there many “common psychological disorders” that result from police brutality, fc? You suggest that there are when you open with
I understand it can be hard to find a way to introduce a new topic, but this technique confuses readers. They think you’re discriminating among options. Suppose instead you said that the effects of brutality aren’t always obvious and immediate? THAT would be a valuable claim. You could follow this up with a description of the physical traumas often suffered. Then you’d be making an important distinction between the obvious immediate physical effects and the less-noticeable, delayed, psychological effects. See?
P3. Your evidence will be more effective if you acknowledge in advance that it’s an anecdotal report from a traumatized individual. We need more preparation for the odd grammar and runon sentences of this testimony. It can certainly be persuasive, but not if we expect something reasonable and then dismiss it as the ravings of a kook. The best technique would be to offer objective statistical evidence of the effects of brutality FIRST, then follow it up with emotional material, by way of illustration. These are commonly introduced with something like: But statistics tell only part of the story. The real impact is on the emotional lives of the victims of abuse, like this commenter on Copblock: . . . .”
P4. You do a lot of needless repeating, fc. Here you repeat the article name from Copblock. Then you admittedly repeat the claim about PTSD. Both can easily be avoided and spare your readers. If you’re deliberately padding to build your word count, stop it. If you don’t know how else to get from one paragraph to another, ask for advice. I’ll be happy to help.
Shall I highlight the grammar, punctuation, and usage problems in the late sentences here? Or can you find and fix them without my interference?
P5. I don’t see much new here, fc. You spend a lot of words making comparisons that your essay has already made. Better conclusion paragraphs, rather than summarizing all that have preceded them, make new claims that are now persuasive BECAUSE of all that has preceded them. Do you have a new conclusion to draw?