Open strong- spaghettitacosforthesoul

Avocados are murders, and vegetarians are aiding their demise. With the rise of popularity to eat healthy, and maintain a balanced diet; being a vegetarian is in demand. Vegetarians see their gestures as having a positive impact on the meat industry, but with new demand comes new problems. And with every action comes a consequence. Overproduction has grown substantially over the last decade as avocados have become increasingly popular, But the main exports are in the poorest parts of Mexico. So the once-beloved avocados are an unsuspected killer to their neighbors. The environmental impact in mass production is degrading soil and water sources. And as a result, poor neighbors around commercial agriculture sites are reaping the repercussions of the environmental impact of avocados. There is a misconception within the agriculture industry that people overlook, and the unfortunate effects of mass production on the environment contribute to health complications. 

Also I have been meaning to look at my feedback for my definition argument, I just haven’t gotten to it yet. Mostly because I’m mentally unprepared to fix the whole thing. but I take feedback very seriously.

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1 Response to Open strong- spaghettitacosforthesoul

  1. davidbdale says:

    Avocados are murders,
    —I’m pretty sure you mean murderERs. but yeah, very strong. You’re taking classroom suggestions quite seriously.

    and vegetarians are aiding their demise.
    —Ummmm, I’m pretty sure you mean vegetarians are accessories to murder. “Aiding in THEIR demise” can only mean, the way you’re phrased it, the demise of the avocados.

    With the rise of popularity to eat healthy, and maintain a balanced diet; being a vegetarian is in demand.
    —Let’s simplify your language here, Tacos. You get in your own way. “With the popularity of HEALTHY EATING and MAINTAINING a balanced diet, being a vegetarian is suddenly a good strategy.”

    Vegetarians see their gestures as having a positive impact on the meat industry, but with new demand comes new problems.
    —We really need to be clear about what “gestures” could possibly affect the meat (and vegetable) industries. “Vegetarians see their ABSTENTION FROM MEAT EATING as a CLEAR THREAT to the meat industry. but their INCREASED DEMAND FOR HIGH-QUALITY FRESH PRODUCE creates new problems.

    And with every action comes a consequence.
    —You pretty much said that already by claiming that “with new demand comes new problems. (action/consequence).

    Overproduction has grown substantially over the last decade as avocados have become increasingly popular.
    —Simplify. “To take one example, overproduction of avocados has grown substantially.”

    And the environmental impact in mass production is degrading soil and water sources, destroying the land and sickening the farmers and rural residents in the poorest parts of Mexico.
    —You needed to claim clearly where the degradation is happening and to whom.

    So the once-beloved avocados are an unsuspected killer to their neighbors.
    —You had this out of logical order, so I moved it down one sentence. You might not need it anymore.

    And as a result, poor neighbors around commercial agriculture sites are reaping the repercussions of the environmental impact of avocados.
    —You definitely don’t need this anymore.

    There is a misconception within the agriculture industry that people overlook,
    —If there is, you need to tell us very clearly. Is it: “Vegetarians misunderstand the demands they’re making on the environment when they insist on perfect produce grown without pesticides and herbicides BUT ALSO without genetic modifications that could make their food resistant to drought and pests without chemicals . . . . Something like that?

    . . . and the unfortunate effects of mass production on the environment contribute to health complications
    —I think you want to blame them, gently, for their narrowsightedness. Wanting to do only good by themselves and the environment, they are instead wreaking innocent havoc.

    I think you can safely accuse them in that way since you were already willing to call them murderers.

    Useful? Your turn. This is a conversation. Respond always if you value feedback and want more. Thanks!

    Like

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