A10: Definition Rewrite-wildcuttlefish

Communication takes control

Doctors on average spend a decade of their life studying extensively about science and the human body so that they can help others in need of medical attention; yet, how well doctors help their patients depends on how well the patient can convey their problems.

Not all patients have the ability to effectively communicate to doctors. Many hindrances could be social status, language barriers, and the culture of the patients but because all these elements that prevents patients from being treated by the doctors to the doctor’s best ability, this raises the problem of health disparities, which are “inequalities that exist when members of certain population groups do not benefit from the same health status as other groups,” according to the National institution of Health.

We were able to retrieve information on the doctor’s performances with different patients by giving surveys to patients.  The data was observed by Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and they shockingly found that physicians perform poorly when helping families with low-income. Some assumptions were made claiming perhaps physicians care better for the rich for the money but in reality, the doctors are unable to tell or have time to look through the income of families; they just help as many people they can.

Therefore, it has been concluded that the main reason why these patients did not receive the best treatment is because of their communication. Many people overlook communication between the physicians and the patients, when really it is the communication that helps the doctors makes decisions. According to American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons, the benefits of effective communication are that the patient and physician can develop a partnership and the “patient has been fully educated in the nature of his or her condition and the different methods to address the problem.”  In addition, the patient will have a say in the decisions, which would contribute to their satisfaction.

Works Cited

“Doctors Who See Poorer Patients Get Poorer Performance Ratings.”Examiner.com. AXS Digital Group LLC D/b/a Examiner.com, 14 Sept. 2010. Web. 26 Oct. 2015.

“The Office of Health Communications and Health Disparities.” What Are Health Disparities. Temple University Health System, Inc, 2015. Web. 26 Oct. 2015.

“Information Statement.” Importance of Good Communication in the Physician-Patient Relationship. American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons., Dec. 2011. Web. 26 Oct. 2015

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2 Responses to A10: Definition Rewrite-wildcuttlefish

  1. wildcuttlefish says:

    feedback was requested.

    Feedback provided.


  2. davidbdale says:

    You were not supposed to leave the morning class until you had built your portfolio, wcf. I’m not sure now if you know the mechanical process for doing so. Your Reflective is in your Portfolio, so that’s encouraging, but it’s also still in the “You Forgot to Categorize!” category, so I don’t know what to think. If you’re still planning to tinker with your posts after this afternoon, be sure you make your Conference appointment for FRI DEC 11. Otherwise, I might grade your portfolio this evening, while it’s still incomplete. That would be a disaster.

    P1. P2. P3. P4. When you cite sources in any paragraph, enhance your informal citation technique with hyperlinks to any online sources. Then include in your Works Cited only those sources you actually cite in your argument.

    P1. Fails for grammar for pronoun number disagreement: the patient can convey their problems. Scour your work for problems like these, wcf. Seach for all instances of they, them, and their, and make sure they refer to plural, not singular, subjects.

    Because doctors continue to study after graduating from med school, you shortchange them when you say they study for ten years on average.

    A good comparison, but not a perfect comparison. They study extensively, but they depend on their patients to convey their problems. Do you mean they should be studying communications skills in addition to medicine?

    P2. Fails for grammar for a possessives and plurals problem: treated by the doctors to the doctor’s best ability. You may need to have a second pair of eyes scour your posts for problems like these, wcf.

    You’re racing through material here without giving it time to breathe. Brevity is great, but clarity is even better. You seem to want to make an entire argument in one paragraph. Patients communicate poorly / for a variety of reasons / but whatever the reasons, they hinder the doctors / and some groups get worse care as a result. But of course matching the reasons for poor communication with the groups that are poorly served is the crux of the argument. You have no time for that.

    P3. Here you identify not several groups but just one: low-income patients. So if you were headed there, why pretend in P2 that you were going to find multiple groups that suffer several types of communication trouble? You’d be better off starting your essay by saying honestly that low-income patients get worse healthcare outcomes that appear to be caused by poor communication with their doctors. THEN you could examine the ways in which poor people and their doctors misunderstand one another.

    P4. In your last couple of sentences you begin to address an actual Definition Argument. What you’ve sped through in early paragraphs was a causal summary: poor communication leads to less satisfactory healthcare. But you haven’t begun to address the essential question of what we mean by satisfactory care. I’ve read nothing in any of your arguments that makes clear what the actual problem is. Do these patients die? Or do they live, and recover, and thrive ever after but still reflect back on their treatment with dissatisfaction? Or is the answer somewhere in between, or somewhere on a different map?


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