Open Strong-Zipemup1

The American school system is killing students by excluding financial literacy from the regular curriculum. There is no doubt that money is the cornerstone of our society, yet many people still lack the basic understanding required to live a healthy lifestyle. Millions of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, owing primarily to financial illiteracy. Schools concentrate on teaching ideas and concepts rather than teaching students how to react in real-life circumstances. Instead, children are being taught to memorize and learn scientific and historical topics. When they are exposed to the real world, new grads are pushed to make critical financial decisions without any foundation. This then leads to disastrous blunders from which there is no going back. Financial uncertainty may cause stress in families, which can lead to divorce, suicide, domestic abuse, and other heinous crimes. In sum, we are hurting as a society more than we know because of a lack of financial education.

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2 Responses to Open Strong-Zipemup1

  1. davidbdale says:

    Love the boldness, Zip!

    Claiming life-and-death consequences for your thesis is radical and very much appreciated. After all, people do truly die from inability to manage their finances.

    Let’s tweak a few of your specific claims.

    There is no doubt that money is the cornerstone of our society, yet many people still lack the basic understanding required to live a healthy lifestyle.

    —”cornerstone” isn’t life and death. “basic understanding” of what? “live a healthy lifestyle” isn’t live or die.

    Millions of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, owing primarily to financial illiteracy.

    You set the rules, but you’re not following them. You said Kill, but you’re backing off to “not the best lifestyle” and “living without adequate savings.” That’s OK, but you didn’t acknowledge that you were backing off to less dire circumstances. Readers will feel cheated.

    Schools concentrate on teaching ideas and concepts rather than teaching students how to react in real-life circumstances.

    M
    —Wordy and abstract. You mean: Graduates might know the date of the Council of Trent, but not how to negotiate a low-interest credit card.

    This then leads to disastrous blunders from which there is no going back.

    —Notice that your “make decisions without any foundation” would not result in disaster without an interim step. But a super-high interest loan might. Be as specific as you can even in your introduction. a vivid example is always better than a categorical claim.

    Financial uncertainty may cause stress in families, which can lead to divorce, suicide, domestic abuse, and other heinous crimes. I

    —”Uncertainty” is a bit tepid for a suicide cause. But Bankruptcy? Home repossession? Eviction? These are equally likely results of financial illiteracy AND likelier causes of catastrophe.

    Your point of view is clear.
    Your premises are PRETTY clear.
    More specific claims will ALWAYS benefit your work.

    Be sure to respond to show your respect for the feedback process, Zip! Thanks!

    Like

  2. zipemup1 says:

    Thank you for the feedback, it was very clear.I will rewrite this opening to make it stronger.

    Like

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