A03: Stone Money Rewrite

This Is an Essay Title

Although it will never be part of your Portfolio and can be considered a warmup or minor essay assignment, you’ll begin the essential process of revising all your work by posting an improved version of your Stone Money essay as a new post, in a new category, A03: Stone Money Rewrite.

If you did not ask for feedback on your first draft, study the essays of your classmates and the feedback they received as the basis for your round of substantial revisions. To be clear, when you’re finished posting your rewrite, you’ll have two different posts, A01: Stone Money, and A03: Stone Money Rewrite.

Both posts will earn grades; neither post will become part of your Portfolio.

Works Cited
You’ll need to cite two sources for this Rewrite, which don’t have to be, but which can be different from those you selected for your first draft, A01.

ASSIGNMENT SPECIFICS

    • Post this mandatory Rewrite of your first short argument.
    • Give your essay an actual title (The title of this post is: “This Is an Essay Title”).
    • Make significant revisions to your A01, and publish them in a new post, Stone Money Rewrite—Username.
    • Include Works Cited.
    • Publish your definition essay in the A03: Stone Money Rewrite category and your own Username category.

GRADE DETAILS

    • Due noon (11:59 am) TUE SEP 22.
    • Customary late penalties. (0-24 hours 10%) (24-48 hours 20%) (48+ hours, 0 grade)
    • Non-Portfolio Essay
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Summaries- Luckyleprechaun1

Click to access Halmos.pdf

It seems counterintuitive that mathematics, a highly structured and rigorous discipline, could be considered a creative art. But this is precisley what is is argued by P. R. Halmos in his essay “Mathematics as A Creative Art” and I could not agree with him more. Engaging in mathematics throughout high school was refreshing and never dull for me. Not because of the problem solving that was involved but because of what I learned about that universe from solving those problems.

Men Defining Rape: A History

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Summaries – americangods01

1) It seems counterintuitive that among what we know as a species could lie two or more entirely separate species but it is apparently the case.

Through DNA sequencing, researchers like Markus Pfenninger and Klaus Schwenk, are able analyze the genetic information of a species and find “cryptic species“, species that were previously unknown without DNA analysis, and classify and define the populations. It is estimated that the percentage of cryptic species could be as high as 30%. In five to ten years, a complete work of fish and birds could be used to accurately estimate how many cryptic species exist throughout the animal kingdom.

The DNA sequencing technology is a relatively inexpensive way of increasing our knowledge on biodiversity, infectious diseases and evolution. With this technology, we have already found a cryptic species in the African elephant and found that they were vulnerable to extinction.

2) It seems counterintuitive that by verifying that you are a human online, you are helping to digitize human knowledge. Luis von Ahn and his team of professionals developed a web security system called Captcha to protect websites from programs that could artificially register for these websites millions of times. To verify that you are a human being signing up for this website, Captcha simply asks you type a random assortment of characters from an image, something that computers cannot do. To make this program productive instead of wasting millions of peoples’ 10 seconds, von Anh  reworked Captcha into reCaptcha. Instead of typing random character, the person using the reCaptcha types random words which are used to assist word recognition technology that is currently digitizing books.

3) It seems counterintuitive that we like babies because they are cute but instead babies are cute because we like them. Along with things like sweetness and sexiness, Dan Dennett uses Darwin’s theory of evolution to explain why things are sweet, sexy, and cute. Glucose is a chemical that can be broken down and used for energy. There is no inherent sweetness to glucose but it is necessary for our bodies and because of that, we do not like glucose because it is sweet, glucose is sweet because we like it. The same goes for babies. Because we need to take care of them, their cuteness is attractive.

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Summaries – crossanlogan

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2012/02/econundrums-do-vitamin-supplements-work

It seems counterintuitive that multivitamins, a product sold to us under the pretense of making us healthier, may in fact be unhealthy for us. According to the article, “typical vitamin users are more likely than nonusers to get their quota from food alone.” If those of us who take a multivitamin are getting our daily requirements of these vitamins from our food, the multivitamin becomes completely redundant. In fact, excesses of certain vitamins can cause a variety of negative health effects from colorectal lesion and increased risk of heart disease to birth defects. A product that is supposed to make us healthier can in fact be bad for us.

http://www.salon.com/2012/01/19/romney_corporate_welfare_king/

It seems counterintuitive that Mitt Romney, who builds his political platform on things like creating jobs for Americans, has engaged in behavior (abusing tax loopholes, leveraging buy-outs, and exploiting the hard work of middle-class employees) that seems to go directly counter to those claims. In fact, at one steel mill in South Carolina, Romney’s company cost over 1,700 workers their jobs and “cut the employees’ profit-sharing plan twice — lowering the plan’s hourly rate from $5.60 an hour to $1.25 per hour”. The idea that this man is bragging about creating jobs and bolstering the economy is completely asinine.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/21/mormons-posthumous-baptism-anne-frank_n_1292102.html?ref=mostpopular

It seems counterintuitive that the Church of Latter-Day Saints continues to baptize by proxy those who died in concentration camps during the Holocaust. The process of baptism or Christening is one that holds significant and specific meaning in the Church of Christianity; baptism represents a new birth in Jesus, usually with the spin of using the rest of your life to further the Kingdom of God. This is highly ironic, for a few reasons, the first being obvious: these people have been dead for decades. They have no remaining natural life to devote to the Church, even if they wanted to. This leads us to the higher irony in this situation: the people whom the Mormons are posthumously baptizing were Jewish. They by definition reject the divinity of Jesus, which happens to be the entire founding principle upon which the Church of Christianity is based.

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E02: Purposeful Summaries-wildcuttlefish

Link to The  The Hair Part Theory

It seems counterintuitive that the way we part our hair has a huge impact on people’s impression of us. However, two siblings, John Walter and Catherine Walter developed the Hair Part Theory, claiming that where we part our hair sends off different messages to people.

After many research and comparing the different hairstyles, the siblings claim that the hair part has a psychological affect. The siblings reveal that where we choose to part hair draws attention to a particular brain hemisphere and associate us to that brain hemisphere’s function. For example, people who part their hair on the left draw more attention to the left hemisphere of the brain, which gives off the impression of someone very rational because the left hemisphere of the brain associates with memorization, math, and logical related things. On the other hand, people who part their hair on the right side, will have more focus to the right hemisphere, giving an impression that relates to the right hemisphere’s qualities like creativity, art, and so on.

Though this sounds questionable, it is evident that many leaders have certain hair parts to give off an aura that they are looking for. For instance, many strong leaders tend to have their hair parted on the left side for a more serious impression. An example would be in Cullen Murphy’s “The Mirror of Dorian Gray,” he stated that “Margaret Thatcher’s left-side part supposedly enhanced her aura of strength and will…”

Therefore, they way we look can tell a lot about ourselves to people, even the way we part our hair.

Link to the Source

It seems counterintuitive that our way of treating depression is bizarre and far from helping the depressant.

Our advance technology has taken us steps forward in increasing our health and lifespan. If we are diagnosed with depression, we are given many options to choose to help relieve our depression. The common method is to have therapy, which seems helpful because by taking therapy, we have the opportunity to express our inner troubles with someone who is trained in the field of psychology. However, to other parts of the world, the method seems to be very odd. For instance, people in East Africa think depressants should go outside into sunlight for them to feel happier, listen to music or drums for their blood to circulate, have the community involved for support, and the people view depression as an invasive spirit. Yet, in America we put depressants in little room and make them talk about their problems and we view it as sad emotions and an illness.

Though people who study psychology and specialize in he medical field tell us that help for depression is available, there is very little knowledge about depression and how to cure it.

http://www.examiner.com/article/doctors-who-see-poorer-patients-get-poorer-performance-ratings?cid=rss

It is counterintuitive that patients have more control on how well doctors serve them. Research on Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston shows that doctors tend to perform better for wealthy people. Initial thoughts were that doctors were biased and helped the wealthier people more to get more out of their pay; however, that assumption was proven false because doctors have no way in telling which family had the more income or not. What studies are suggesting is that people who are poor have trouble in communicating their needs; therefore, not receiving the doctor’s best performance.

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Summaries-bj112295

  1. Elderly Animals- http://www.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/01/portraits-elderly-animals – It seems counterintuative that you would even think of an elderly animal being a huge debate but it is sadly. Some people think it is wrong to keep them alive and let them age and get old, when they could be used for food or put out of their misery. Others think like I do as well, animals should be able to live their lives out just like we do as humans. The people that choose the ides of not letting elderly animals live usually are thinking of themselves and not the animals. Have no compassion in their hearts at all. The people that do let the animals live until they die naturally have compassion and a deeper understanding for life itself.

2. Elephant Cruelty- http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2011/10/ringling-bros-elephant-abuse – It seems counterintuative that elephants are being treated in such cruelty and it just disgusts me. What is sad is that animal trainers can care less because of at the end of the day they get their money and the people get a show. So whatever has to be done to the elephants beaten, sick, or whatever is done so the elephants perform the show correctly. Its sad that the government covered up for the circus company just because they gave a donation to elephants in need. Good, you gave a donation bit that doesn’t cover the fact that an elephant died from salmonella disease and you knew he was sick and still made him do the show. It made the animal rights activists very upset!

3. Is Walmart Really Organic or Local?- http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2012/03/walmart-groceries-organic-local-food-deserts – It seems counterintuative that Walmart is selling Organic food in their commercials and stores but it is locally grown or it is grown on a big farm somewhere? Some people believe that Walmart is selling organic food but not sourced locally because of how the products look and taste. Others just are dimwitted and believe everything that the advertisements, TV, Newspaper, etc.. says it is true and its not, alot of companies are putting chemicals in their foods today so no one really knows whats , what!

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Summaries – tpaz1

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/09/lenders-vet-borrowers-social-media-facebook

It seems counter-intuitive that social media networks people use today can put themselves in a financial issue, when it comes to loans. Social media networks have became a world wide use, when trying to find information on someone else such as a friend, family, anyone. These days loan lenders have began to use social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and linkedIn as a new form of information data to determine the credit worthiness of loan applicants. Many U.S based lenders for an example, LendUp, which is based out of San Francisco checks Facebook and Twitter profiles of potential borrowers to see the number of friends they have and how often they interact with others through the site. The company LendUP views an active social media life as an indicator of stability. Other companies especially international lenders use similar tactics like ones in the U.S. Lenddo loan company denies credit to applicants, who are Facebook friends with someone who was late or didn’t repay a Lenddo loan. The problem that many consumer advocates believe is applicants can be subject to unfair and discriminatory decisions by lenders.

http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-02-04/vancouver-combats-heroin-giving-its-addicts-best-smack-world

It seems counterintuitive to help heroin addicts recover by giving them free and pure heroin to better their addiction. Vancouver is a port town, which mean its a hub for drugs by boat from the pacific, including heroin. Vancouver has set up a safe zone called, Insite, where addicts can shoot up under supervision of a nurse without having to deal with any law-enforcements. We tend to believe that in order to help any kind of addict, we must have to make them not want to do their addiction anymore, but Vancouver believes we should give them their drug as a form of treatment.

Link to 2nd article: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/vancouver-experiments-with-prescription-heroin/383086/

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2011/10/ringling-bros-elephant-abuse

It seems counterintuitive to enjoy a circus show of elephants or to enjoy riding one but it can be animal abuse, when viewed under a different light. In the Jacksonville Coliseum a circus show comes on in the afternoon and evening with performances of elephants doing aerobic tricks and stunts. Kenny, a 3 year old elephant, who performs in the Coliseum showed signs of sickness during his performance, such as slow movements, missed choreography, and ab-normal noises. After Kenny’s afternoon show he developed diarrhea  and began bleeding from his bottom. After his next evening show an attendant found Kenny’s bloodied body across the concrete floor. Consequences were later faced to the Ringling Bros, the ones who operate and care for all animals in their show. For years animal rights organizations had been releasing videos showing Ringling trainers abusing elephants, but USDA investigations never produced evidence to shut them down. Ringling Bros are a successful circus show that thousands come to see, but many of the audience doesn’t see what happens to those elephants behind the curtains.

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Summaries- peachesxo

1). The Daily Shower Can Be a Killer 

It seems counterintuitive that we take showers to be clean, but we can also die from them. People each year suffer from falls and either get injured or much worse. Old age people have a high risk of falling down and getting severely injured. How about if someone told us that we can die from showers. Would that affect the way we go about our daily routine? The healthy life expectancy is around 90 years old; however, people die early from sickness or even falling. Showers can be deadly because senior citizens can slip and fall. This will end tragically; stepping on a step stool can be deadly as well (even climbing a ladder). A person does not have to change the way they live because they might enjoy doing these dangerous things. People are more self-aware that these common things (going up the stairs, taking a shower, etc.) can actually be very deadly,

2.) Thought Experiment #2

It seems counterintuitive that every time we look at a picture we relatively see the same image; however, one little change in the caption can change our we perceive the message to be.   There was a photograph of a little toy left behind by a young child after the war in Israeli. There were three version of the image, but all three had different captions. This goes to show that people are influenced by the captions because we might think one thing in the first image, but then the third image will change our mind. Captions are things that changes our points of view when a photograph is presented to us.

3.) What Does the Marshmallow Test Actually Test?

http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/articles/2012-10-17/what-does-the-marshmallow-test-actually-test

It seems counterintuitive that kids are given a marshmallow to eat, but they can’t eat it yet. Walter Mischel conducted a test where kids are given a single marshmallow to eat; however, if they wait 15 minutes, the kids can get another marshmallow. Some of the kids waited and some of them didn’t.Celeste Kidd created a similar test, but she put a group of kids into one group and the others in another. One group was put into a room where they had a reliable adult and the other unreliable. The reliable adult and unreliable adult told the kids they could wait if they wanted better writing utensils and bigger stickers. When the adults came back to the waiting children, the reliable adult brought back markers and crayons while the other did not bring anything back. After that test, the kids were given marshmallows and they were told that if they waited until the adult came back they could get another marshmallow. The kids that waited were the ones in the reliable adult group while the others that didn’t wait were from the unreliable adult group. Kidd concluded that waiting for the marshmallow is based on trust. The kids will wait when they know that the adult will actually get them something instead of nothing.

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Summaries – xChuki

Men Defining Rape: A History

It seems counterintuitive that men were always the ones to define what the rape is, whether or not the rapist should be punished or was the woman actually victimized.

Throughout the history of relationship between man and woman females were abused by different laws established by male. At some periods of the time it was impossible to prove that you were raped if you got pregnant after that. Different scientists and lawmakers would insist that female body can shut the whole thing down; in remaining cases, people believed that woman can’t be conceived. Another thing is that punishment for rapist would depend on what’s the victim’s social status or sexual experience. Some laws would allow men to rape women on daily basis if woman is married to the rapist or if she was “impure”.

http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/articles/2012-10-17/what-does-the-marshmallow-test-actually-test

It seems counterintuitive that small marshmallow test can define what kind of person child may become depending on results.

Walter Mischel’s well known marshmallow test examines kids’ ability to hold out for getting a promised better reward. Based on result of the test, children who can wait usually would be better in life. However, according to Celeste Kidd’s research marshmallow experiment also tests kids’ belief and trust. Children that were raised in poor or dysfunctional family most likely wouldn’t expect adults to give them better things, so they would just take what they were offered at the moment.

It seems counterintuitive that human’s life is always in danger. People that live comfortably and have fast access to medications and professional doctor’s help underestimate a danger of small things like slipping in the shower or falling on the sidewalk. These accidents have a higher possibility percentage than the ones that are beyond our control or cause many deaths. On the other hand, people that live closely with nature, wild life and no professional medical care learned how to avoid the actual potential danger coming from our habitat  and usual things that surround us in our normal life.

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E03: Cows and Chips

Nothing enlivens a dry conceptual essay like a cow. So, if you have to keep your readers awake long enough to follow a detailed abstract argument, hire as many cows as you can afford. Also consider providing refreshments. A bag of chips is nice (but not cow chips).

For dramatic evidence that this is good advice and that clever professionals use it all the time to good effect, breeze back through Milton Friedman’s brilliant brief essay, “The Invention of Money,” which blew our minds about the trippy-ness of currency without ever having to resort to esoteric terminology. Instead, it made excellent use of dramatic, tangible illustrations and allowed us to draw our own conclusions about the abstract thinking that underlay the drama.

We remember the shipwreck, the stone tablets as big as a car, the labeling of the drawers in the gold vaults. We use those physical objects and events as touchstones to remind ourselves of the entirely cerebral drama that makes them so significant. The concepts alone we might forget; the details stay with us and guide us back to the ideas.

Here are some examples of animated language that could improve essays about Stone Money:

  1. Ever since reading about The Invention of Money, I can’t look at a dollar the same way. These flimsy slips of linen covered with silly green symbols seem so worthless; do I really work hard at my job to earn a handful of these?
  2. Before there were coins, barter occurred using items that could be, for example, eaten: cattle and grain. No doubt those commodities represented the work of raising the animals and crops, but their value didn’t derive from the effort put into raising them; they were valued for their deliciousness.
  3. The little slip of paper from the ATM that tells us our current balance is as close as most of us get to holding our wealth in our hand.
  4. Money is not a cow. Money is valuable and a cow is valuable, but a cow’s value is that it produces milk, and eventually meat, and therefore directly helps a body survive, whereas money has no nutritional value. Its value is only symbolic of someone else’s willingness to trade it for a cow.
  5. Our dollars today are pure instruments of faith. On Yap they would have been useless because the Yap would not have traded for them. But here Wawa accepts them because Citgo accepts them out of faith that Citibank will accept them.
  6. The dollar bill is not a pack of chips, but it’s almost as good as long as the Wawa will accept it in return for a pack of chips.
  7. We mostly care about government backing for our money only when the government is our customer. If you give the barber money in return for a haircut, the government’s hardly involved; the barber’s only concern is that the sub shop will accept the money you gave him as payment for a sandwich.
  8. The real value of any money is that the society that uses it is willing to accept it as payment. For example, cab drivers in Egypt LOVE to be tipped in American dollar bills, much more so than in Egyptian pound notes, but they won’t take a US dollar coin because they know nobody else will take a dollar coin.
  9. Wawa decides that a dollar bill is worth a pack of chips, but the government—the issuing agency of the currency— decides that one bill is worth 100 of the other bills. That relative value of the bills is the only way the government “decides what the money is worth.”
  10. The end of barter is not the end of negotiation. Even with currency, our system permits a good deal of negotiation too, because market value is local. Today in South Jersey a farmer will get widely different prices for a squash, depending on what farmers’ market he’s selling at.
  11. On Yap, stealing would have been meaningless because physical possession was irrelevant. The stone outside my house might not be my stone, so there would have been no point in rolling someone else’s stone to my house if everybody knew it belonged to someone else. Our money is different primarily because, except for the serial numbers, our dollars are identical.
  12. Baseball cards are pretty worthless pieces of paper until somebody is willing to pay a lot of money for them. And by and large the only reason they’re willing to pay is the faith they have that somebody else will pay them even more. I couldn’t use baseball cards to buy my groceries though, unless the grocer agreed to their value. So we use money for convenience in both transactions
  13. If I wanted to build a house on the island of Yap, I hired some islanders to roll a huge limestone rock, almost the weight of the house I wanted to build, to the contractor’s hut and leave it there. And the islanders I hired? They got paid in limestone rocks too, or maybe one that they’ll share until they figure out how to divide what it can buy.

Some examples of advice I have given to students for getting more cows and chips into their essays.

  1. Readers are much more likely to be engaged with your topic (and even feel some of the alienation from their money you’ve been feeling) when you can put something tangible in their hands. Make them visualize that odd slip of paper, feel its flimsiness, and they might start to ask themselves: hey, yeah, what is this really worth?
  2. When we question the value of money, we start to question the value we place on everything. Regarding diamonds, for example, would you consider their beauty and rarity intrinsic values? Diamonds aren’t utterly useless, even if we’re being uncharitable about them. They are attractive adornments. Less defensibly, perhaps, it’s hard to understand why they’re “worth” more than extremely good fakes that sparkle just as much and that only a jeweler can distinguish.
  3. If you want to say that our currency has no value independent of the valuable things it represents, or that it is merely a form for presenting value, readers will have an easier time understanding you if you introduce a cow. Here’s how it looks: Money is not a cow, you say. Etc. (see above).
  4. You and I both appreciate the oddness of the wealth conveyed by that stone on the floor of the ocean, but what is it you see in your life today that convinces you that you have money? That little slip of paper at the ATM that tells you your current balance is pretty flimsy evidence, don’t you think?
  5. Your first few sentences are the written equivalent of warm-up throws, or rubbing your hands together to improve your grip before picking up the sledgehammer. Both serve a purpose, but they don’t compare to the live action. We can do something else while you’re getting ready. For example, that slip of paper with numbers on it. That’s a nice curve ball. Serve that up. A good first sentence that uses it might be: “The little slip of paper from the ATM that tells us our current balance is as close as most of us get to holding our wealth in our hand.”
  6. If you want to make a point about a concept we use subconsciously, so that we no longer notice it, you need to put something in our hands. We’re more likely to think about the unthinkable if you make us handle it than if you ask us to think about it. If it were thinkable, we’d have thought it. So, instead of a series of rhetorical questions, how about a quick illustration: If I want to build a house on the island of Yap, I hire some islanders to roll a huge limestone rock, almost the weight of the house I want to build, to the contractor’s hut and leave it there. And the islanders I hire? They get paid in limestone rocks too, or maybe one that they’ll share until they figure out how to divide what it can buy.

In-Class Exercise

Once you’ve read these examples and are comfortable with the technique for using concrete examples to illustrate abstract concepts, go back to your own Invention of Money post and find the abstraction most in need of illustration. Using the Reply field below your post, write a revision that improves your post by adding cows. Of course, I’m only half serious. Cows are often a good choice, but you can use other farm animals, semi-precious stones, warm sandwiches, an ounce of ceviche, or MORE COWBELL!

Posted in Cows and Chips, davidbdale, Professor Post, Required Reading | 4 Comments