Polio disease has effected the human population before twentieth century began. This disease causes permanent paralysis which hinders the nervous system inactive and has a slight chance of one’s death to occur. Its influence has spread from poor neighborhoods in India to even war-torn area created by war itself in Afghanistan.
But the main reason for Polio continuing to be widespread as it is today by people ignoring the use of vaccines provides training for white blood cells to fight off polio better than unvaccinated white blood cells. The vaccine rarely cause paralysis which is one out of 3 million people can get it. The distrust between the human populous and health organization. One instance of the distrust was in Nigeria by its contaminated fluid would play into the idea of eradicating Muslims living there which this reaction made the Nigeria Government to close down vaccine exports.
The provision of vaccines affected how many people are used to conspiracies that vaccines are dangerous and could cause side effects such as autism. The non-profit organizations and governments need everyone informed of this vaccine openly to the public that can save lives and give evidence of the vaccine helping people through the scientific method to prove the conspiracist wrong.
This is long for an Opening, Levix. Perhaps you do need three paragraphs; I haven’t read them yet, so I don’t know. But I’d like to see how much you can do with just one paragraph to launch your “pretend” essay and set the tone.
Now that I’ve read it, I’m going to suggest you cut the first paragraph. It doesn’t exactly describe how polio spreads, or why it’s hard to eradicate, so it’s irrelevant to the main idea. Now let’s look at the second paragraph.
Wow. Your sentences show a severe lack of grammatical logic, Levix. For the most part, they don’t scan as sentences at all. Permit me to illustrate.
—What you mean here is: Polio is still widespread because people resist the vaccine that would train their white blood cells to fight off the disease. See if you can learn to simplify your sentences after your first draft and before publishing them.
—This is confusing syntax, Levix. The “which” doesn’t actually refer to anything. What I think you mean is: Polio paralyzes a large percentage of its victims, but even the vaccine can paralyze one person in 3 million who take it.
—This is not even a sentence, Levix. It’s a modified subject. Distrust needs something to do. Does it CAUSE vaccine hesitancy? Does it GUARANTEE that we’ll never eradicate polio? Either way, you’ll need a verb.
—Again your clauses need somewhere to attach, Levix. Your “by its contaminated fluid” is floating free in the middle of your sentence. Your “which this reaction” contains another “which” that doesn’t refer to anything. I think you mean: Distrust among Nigerian Muslims who worried that contaminated vaccines would wipe out their population caused the Nigeria Government to close down vaccination efforts.
The trick to simplifying sentences is to identify your actual SUBJECT and your primary VERB.
—In this sentence, “Distrust” is your subject, and “caused” is your verb.
—Once you establish that distrust caused something you can expand on the distrust and on the causation.
—Result: DISTRUST (among Nigerian Muslims) (who worried that contaminated vaccines) (would wipe out their population) CAUSED (the Nigerian government) (to close down vaccination efforts).
I hope that helps.
Whether you revise or not, I do expect you to respond to feedback so I know you respect the process Levix. Otherwise, I’ll be less inclined to help you next time. Thanks!
Thank you for your feedback Professor and I’ll do better with this information provided