Practice Opening chickendinner

As desirable a goal as it certainly is, we must face the grim reality that polio will not be permanently eradicated, at least not anytime soon. Though inoculation efforts can and should be pursued where it is feasible, there will seemingly always be factors which frustrate these efforts, especially in less developed countries. War, terrorism, and natural disasters can, on top of their direct human cost, catastrophically derail vaccination efforts. Additionally, there is often a suspicion of ulterior motives in these campaigns, especially when orchestrated by foreign governments. The US government’s use of polio inoculation as a front for espionage, as well as its infamous experimentation on its own vulnerable citizens with syphilis in the 20th century, can’t have helped in this regard. Additionally, there exist communities which might not even be known to exist to those responsible for these efforts, that appear on no maps and have no regular communication with the outside world.

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4 Responses to Practice Opening chickendinner

  1. chickendinner says:

    Sorry, I tried to post this yesterday, it must not have gone through. Next time I’ll make absolute sure it does.

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  2. davidbdale says:

    Just a quick note to acknowledge that I’ve noticed your post in the Feedback Please category, chickendinner. I have classes this morning, but I’ll be doing feedback this afternoon.

    Before I go, let me just say that your paragraph is quite good. Its voice is authoritative and rational, therefore persuasive.

    We’ll discuss that further, plus the other good things you’re doing here. Before I heap more praise on you, though, I invite you to revise even before I return. See if you can anticipate my few suggestions.

    I have created the chickendinner category for you.

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  3. davidbdale says:

    ChickenDinner, it appears you haven’t made any revisions since my feedback yesterday (which doesn’t surprise me since I was so flattering) so we’ll just carry forward. I should mention here that we never look back in this class. Even when you do make revisions, I won’t be painstakingly comparing your current draft to earlier drafts to see what you’ve improved. Instead, we’ll deal with the draft in front of us to see if it can be further improved. So, let’s do that.

    In your overall excellent draft, may I point out that in three sentences in a row you close with a qualifying phrase. [at least not anytime soon] [especially in less developed countries] [especially when orchestrated by foreign governments]

    You write some sentences of stunning simplicity and beauty:
    War, terrorism, and natural disasters can, on top of their direct human cost, catastrophically derail vaccination efforts.

    It’s too weak to be persuasive, but I understand your reluctance to overclaim the consequences of the CIA episode by characterizing the results as “can’t have helped in this regard.” Use that technique sparingly. Too much of it and readers start to question if you have ANY real evidence.

    Regarding your fresh observation that isolated communities could harbor the world’s last cases, it’s a maddening observation, but it does provide an out. Without communication with the outside world, they’re not likely to spread. AND if they’re really small and insular, they’ll all be exposed eventually and develop herd immunity.

    As always, ChickenDinner, if you’re going to want feedback, you’ll have to be responsive to it. When you receive it, please revise your work or respond to the feedback or both. I look forward to your reactions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • chickendinner says:

      Sorry for not responding to your feedback. I was planning to revise it before now, but I hadn’t been sure of what the best way would be. I hadn’t noticed my tendency to overuse qualifying phrases when writing, and will use more variation going forward. I will also limit how often I use understatement in my writing, and incorporate the counterarguments you provided. I do appreciate your commentary, and will be more responsive now and in the future.

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