Class 19 TUE MAR 28
Riddle
Wake Up: How to Fix a Slogan
The National Science Teachers Association
“Working to Help Improve
Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”
- We want to improve teaching, not effort.
- We want to do the improving, not help.
- We want to show results, not work at it.
The National Science Teachers Association
“Better Science Teaching since 2008”
Even that doesn’t brag about the ultimate result, which would be more science LEARNING, wouldn’t it? No matter how well the Association improves teaching, if students don’t learn more science, it fails.
The National Science Teachers Association
“Our Students Learn More, and We Can Prove it.”
or
The National Science Teachers Association
“Demonstrably Better Learning since 2008”
In-Class Task
In the Reply field, as part of your daily class notes, write a strong slogan for the NSTA emphasizing that they teach young scientists.
Housekeeping
Titles, References, Links to Sources
Sample: InspireAngels
The Visual Rhetoric Unit
A Portfolio Assignment
Visual Rhetoric (and the Visual Rhetoric Rewrite)
- By now, you’ve collected as many as 4 of your 8 required end-of-semester Portfolio Items.
- If you choose to export both your Definition/Categorical argument AND your Causal argument (along with their Rewrites), you’ll be halfway to your complete Portfolio.
- The next Portfolio item (and the only one not directly connected to your Research Position Paper) is the Visual Rhetoric Analysis.
- You’ll receive provisional analysis of your first draft, then post a Visual Rhetoric Rewrite, which you’ll add to your Portfolio at the end of the semester.
Visual Analysis of a Static Image
- To get warmed up to the idea of Visual Analysis, let’s start with a static image before moving on to motion pictures.
- Visual Rhetoric, Static Image
Visual Analysis of One Second of Video
Professor’s Model Analysis
0:01. The ad starts very abruptly in the middle of a scene. What’s more, in the first second, the camera is zooming quickly back so that we have to adjust immediately to a barrage of information. The suggestion the filmmakers are making is that the footage was captured by an amateur camera operator, either for home video or maybe a low-budget documentary. Either way, we are given the impression that the footage is “real,” not staged by a director with hired actors.
The image quality too is low. It’s color photography, but the color is so washed-out we get the further impression of a low-budget production. It’s almost black-and-white.
We are behind the counter of a diner. We can tell this from the “marble” countertop before us and the ketchup bottles and napkin holders on the shelf below it. Attached to the countertop is a familiar menu-holder empty of menus. Even closer to the camera (which suggests the footage was taken from the kitchen, through the service window) is a red-top bottle of Angustora bitters. Another can be seen on the counter where customers could access it, alongside the ketchup bottle and the sugar server. The only common use for bitters is as a cocktail flavor. The implication is that this is a diner where drinks are served; therefore, we have at least the implication that some diners might be drinking.
Facing us at the counter are two young boys (one black, one white) dressed in similar sport jerseys. They are probably teammates. Next to the white boy is a crew-cut man in his 30s with longish sideburns. If he were heavier, he would resemble Kevin James from “King of Queens.” The implication is that he is a robust, perhaps a bit rough-edged, working-class guy here with his team, perhaps their coach, maybe father to one of the kids. He wears a lanyard around his neck; perhaps a whistle hangs from it, and a warmup jacket: coachwear.
On the counter between him and the white boy is a fielder’s glove. They are a baseball team. The kid is not a catcher.
Behind the three at the counter, a man and a woman occupy opposite sides of a booth. They are engaged in conversation. The man resembles Joe Pesci from “Goodfellas,” advancing the impression that we’re in a working-class diner. The bowling pin behind him, part of the decor of the place, further confirms this. The lone framed artwork decorating the space is a black-and-white photo of an urban street scene. Coffee cups are stacked upside-down in the service area behind the woman, whose hand motion before her face indicates she is the one doing the talking.
They have been served. The man is pointing at something large on the white boy’s plate. In fact, he points at it repeatedly and says something about it to the boy. Most likely he is picking up the tab. Maybe he doesn’t want that big dish wasted.
From a filmmaker’s point of view, the composition of the figures is very important. The characters are arranged in a line. Black boy at counter, Joe Pesci facing Meg Ryan in booth, White Boy at counter, Meg Ryan in Booth facing Joe Pesci, Coach Kevin James gesturing with his hand toward White Boy’s plate. His active hand gesture draws our attention. When he stops moving, Meg Ryan starts moving her hand in the very same space, keeping our attention on that spot, but shifting our focus to the conversation she’s having with the Joe Pesci. In one second, we have information about two different conversations. Both are clearly important.
End of the first second.
Visual Analysis of a Complete Argument
- A Sample Analysis: Thai Life Insurance
- Here we examine just 10 seconds of a 2-minute long-form commercial produced by the Thai Life Insurance company to promote the universal human good of doing small selfless gestures for others. How in the world is that supposed to sell life insurance?
How Much (What Kind of) Detail?
- You won’t need this yet, but when you’re ready to revise your Visual Rhetoric argument, you may benefit from reviewing feedback I have offered to students in earlier semesters.
- Link to Revision Advice for Visual Rhetoric
Task
- Portfolio Assignment: Visual Rhetoric/Rewrite
- DUE TUE APR 04 (11:59pm MON APR 03)
Dev
Joe Gramigna
adamreim
alexmoran17
alivewit55
americangods01
anonymous123
Anonymous
azntaco
belldere
bigcounrty609
bigfoot9
bj112295
blueee04
breadpatrol99
brxttyb
calamariii
cfalover
charlieclover
cherries267
chickendinner
chickennugget246
chickennugget444
clevelandbrown03
cocochanel715
comatosefox
crossanlogan
cswilliams15
dancingueen
disneylover2002
doglover846
dontquoteme187
douglasadams525
dt2018
faded26
friendoftacos
frogs02
fromcasablanca
fulcrum66
g00dsoup
giants19
gingerbreadman27
girlno3
gobirds115
goodmusician440
gracchusbabeuf
hiralp365
ifurreadingthisits2l8
ilovedunkinoverstarbucks
ilovenas
imaspookyghost
inspireangels
JalenHurts4Mvp
jasrielle2
jcirrs
jonnyb25
eagles21
kilotoon
kingofcamp
krackintheneck
Philip Ebenezer
Lily4Pres
littlecow24
ljkvng34
lokiofasgard24
luckyleprechaun1
marinebio18
Matt Loesche
mellowtacos
miliwawa
minutemen14
mossmacabre
music0392
mymomshouldhavenamedmegrace
ndb1996
neferpitou626
nugget114
oatmealvibes
ohearnj8
palal24
peachesxo
philsfan1133
pinkheart84
pinkmonkey32
pitandthependulum22
queenrandom04
RowanAnnouncer
Rowan27
rowanluver29
rowanstudent6
saltysurfer322
saycheese03
Senpai Pio
sixfortyfive645
sortableelms
spaghettitacosforthesoul
strawberryfields4
suedejackson
sunflower0311
sunshinegirl457
tarheel1999
teddysdoggydaddy
thatwonguyy
themildewmuncher7
Public Display Name
thirdlady226
Thomas Laperriere
tmjj4345
toastedflatbread22
tpaz1
tristanb50
twofoursixohtwo
tyblicky2001
venom2929
vicarij0
wakeup5am
Water
wildcuttlefish
wizzard201
xchuki
Lunaduna
zeek
ziggy026
zinny11
zipemup1
zoeyzoey0210
zzbrd2822
Counterintuitive Spring 2023 
Slogans are similar to thesis statements, but with improvements to convey the message to the readers. The goal is to compel and persuade those in the middle to continue reading, not to compel or persuade those who have already agreed or who are overly opinionated. To entice more people to join their cause, the NSTA should use the word “learning.” Get rid of the unnecessary sentences that you can make them blunt and robust sentences for people to be persuaded and understand the subject topic. Wealthy people with great social skills will get better treatment from doctors. The thesis must be on topic with the author’s attitude rather than being wishy washy and needs to be shortened to eliminate the other possibilities with only one in use. Never use There is, there are, or it is and “fact that” sentences being weak verb starters in a sentence and would be better to tell the reader of the existence of something. Using by-verbing sentences must be fixed as well as “types of, kinds of, and sort of” sentences.
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To start class off we discussed the Nation Science Teachers Association slogan and how to better develop it. When developing a thesis you need to focus on the people that can be persuadable and stay away from the people that you have no hope in persuading. Next we discussed revising paragraphs to remove all the junk and ambiguity from them to better state your point of view.
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Was not here on Tuesday, but here are my notes.
-Slogans are basically like Thesis Statements. They are used to try to convince the reader of your point of view.
-It is important to remove any unnecessary words in your essays. That way, people will better understand what you’re trying to persuade them of.
– Basically, we are half way done our portfolio, and our next assignment is a visual rhetoric/rewrite.
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-Slogans are like a thesis statement
-“Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008” ; doesn’t prove anything. It only shows that they are trying to help improve efforts
-Something like “Demonstrably Better Learning since 2008” is a much better slogan, showing that since 2008 there has been proven better learning in the NSTA
-There are going to be people who already agree, people who are too opinionated and the people who are persuadable. You should write for the ones who you can persuade to agree with your thesis statement
-Make sure everyone knows what you need; get rid of unnecessary words
-”Even the most well-meaning parents kill their children with too much freedom… or too little” ; this offers 4 different possibilities to start to talk about and peaks interest
-The use of strong verbs and clauses in your essay, especially your opening paragraph, will pull the reader in and show them that your essay will be meaningful and interesting to read.
-Using “there is” “it is” and the word “is” in general are going to come in front of weak subject points and your essay will become a mess and hard to understand fully
-The subject of your idea should be the subject of your sentence
-Don’t use “By verbing….” ; it shows that you don’t really know where you’re going with the sentence
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If your first paragraph, make a bold categorical claim you have a better chance of persuading your audience to your argument. A portion of your audience already agree with your argument wants your evidence to help support the argument that they already agree with. Your persuadable readers are your audience, and you want to use your argument to persuade them. In writing you are not writing for everyone. You are writing for a small slice of the potential reading population that is the persuadable readers. “There is” or “there are” or “it is” are all components to a weak sentence.
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English Comp II Lecture Notes (11.4.21)
Beginning
– Warmup: Two Graves
– Wake Up: How to Fix a Slogan
o slogans are like thesis statements
“working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008”
• not a confident slogan
o “we are trying” NOT DOING
needs reconstruction
“better science teaching since 2008”
• doesn’t brag about the ultimate result
• get rid of the pointless wording
“our students learn more and we can prove it”
• better—getting there
• compel those people in the middle who might want to read (very important)
• Different groups: already agree, persuadable, and too opinionated
o the persuadable are very important, they are your audience
want your evidence
– “we are not writing for everyone”
Writing Skills
– How do we do so?
“getting rid of the bullshit”
doing so with subjects and verbs
be bold and be brave
• example (class blog)
no way to build ambiguity but you can give choices
– “It is,” “There is,” and “There are” are much too weak! These three examples are much too ambiguous—find better verbs (more descriptive)
– DO NOT “BY VERB”
o What is “by?”
o not good enough
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Graves Riddle
-two graves divided by a wall, but linked at the top by two hands joined together.
-this was a catholic woman and a protestant man who were not able to be buried in the same cemetery
National Science Teacher’s Association
-slogan that every step of the way shows failure or lack of previous success
-You cannot persuade everyone
-We’re not writing for everyone, there is a very small percentage of people that we can get our point across to
-We can’t persuade those who are completely against us and we already have the support of those who already agree.
-We need to write for the persuadable.
There are parents whose behavior has an unfortunate impact on their children. (Parents kill their kids). While you may lose readers due to how blunt the statement is, but you will keep those who are interested or persuadable.
Robust Verbs
-Do not use weak verbs to address claims
-Do not use such wordy sentences to get your point across
leave out the “By asking” or “these types of problems”
-These only confuse your reader or drag on your paper.
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Warm-up:
– Two graves riddle
A catholic woman and her husband were not allowed to be buried in the same lot, so they connected the graves by holding hands
How to fix a slogan:
“Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008.” – There have not been positive results. (A terrible thesis statement)
“Better science teaching since 2008” – It is an improvement but, it still does not mention how the students learn, and if they are understanding the concept.
“Our students learn more and we can prove it” – It is not the best slogan, but it is a good thesis statement. (Not in that exact language.)
The fraction of the audience, people that already agree, the persuadable, and too opinionated.
The persuadable are the people you want to have as your audience.
We are not writing for everyone. (There is a small percentage of the potential reading population that we can persuade.)
Today’s lesson
– Getting rid of the nonsense to only include the important parts in writing.
Strong Subjects, Robust Verbs
– Too many sentences begin with “there are,” “there is,” and “it is.”
– Just “get to the point” in your writing
There is no way to build ambiguity in your writing, but you can create choices
Don’t start a sentence with “by verbing.”
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In class today, we first discussed the story behind the monument of the two graves. A Protestant man and a Catholic woman were not allowed to be buried in the same plot, so they turned their graves into a monument that holds hands over the wall that divides the two plots. We then analyzed the slogan of the National Science Teachers Association and discussed ways in which we can better the claim they are making regarding better science teaching. You should make sure your opening paragraph delivers the clear categorical claim it should in order to persuade your intended audience and compel them to read your essay. Your essay should target those who are persuadable, not those who are too opinionated or those who already agree. Next, we reviewed robust subjects and verbs in your claim that eliminate any unnecessary information and clearly communicate your statement. We then analyzed two paragraphs, one of which was revised for vitality and clarity. We ended class by revising a paragraph on our own.
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Today in class we started off by analyzing a picture from the 19th century in Holland where a Protestant man and a Catholic woman were not allowed to be buried in the same lot so their graves were turned into a monument that holds hands over the wall that divides them.
We then discussed the worst slogan for a national association which is The National Science Teachers Association’s slogan of “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”. This is the worst claim ever because it essentially proves you’ve done nothing. You worked to help someone else improve science teaching efforts. A much better approach would be “Better Science Teaching since 2008”.
Out of 100 readers, 5% are reading, about 50% are way too opinionated, and about 45% don’t need to be persuaded because they already agree with you. The 45% group will just need you to provide thorough evidence.
“There are parents whose behaviors have a negative impact on their children” this sentence is full of extra words and if you instead made it “bad parents kill their kids”, it might be blunt and scare some readers away, but it will keep the attention of the readers who are interested in this specific topic. Although it is a very narrow claim, it can still have the same impact even though we admit that it’s not all parents and not all kids. You could broaden the claim by saying “Even the most well-meaning parents kill their kids with too much freedom…or too little.” Now, you’re including good or bad parents, too strict or too laid back parents, single or divorced parents, etc. all while keeping it clear and categorical.
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Fixing Slogans
-Must make a strong claim, like a thesis
-Claim your accomplishments
-Make a confident and categorical claim as clear as possible
-The overall goal is to seduce the reader into making small acceptance points
-Making such a bold and upfront categorical claim poses the risk for alienating the reader
-You will not be reaching 100% of all people
-Some readers will already agree with you and some will be way too opinionated (no chance of persuading them)
-However, a small percentage will be susceptible to your persuasion
-Be as straightforward as you possibly can be
-You can modify your incredibly bold claim after you have peaked your reader’s interest
-Get your reader through your first paragraph!
-Sentences that depend on weak antecedents create weak and vague claims
-The sooner you make it clear that you are talking about something serious, the sooner your target audience will be reached
Robust Sentences
-You do not have to start by naming all of the possibilities your claim could refer to
-You have to guide the reader to these possibilities throughout your paper
-Draw distinctions and identify differences
-Ambiguity can be categorized and become a clear distinction
-Make the subject of your idea, the subject of your sentence
-“There is,” “There are,” and “It is” are all bases for WEAK CLAIMS! Just get to the point!
-Know where your sentence is going before starting it
-Carefully craft your subject
-Do not deprive your writing of clarity and power
-The word “this” is always an unclear antecedent when used alone
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showing why the NSTA claim is weak.
how to fix it
be as categorial as you can as early as you can then explain if you have too.
45% of your readers already agree with you
50% are to opinionated to change there minds
5% you may sway
you can provide the 45% of the people evidence
you may as well be blunt with the 50% that don’t agree
Robust Sentences
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A slogan is like a thesis statement
“Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008” is not a good slogan because it is a weak claim. Says they have accomplished nothing
“Better science teaching since 2008” would be a better slogan because at least it shows an accomplishment
“Our students learn more, and we can prove it” would be the best option because it shows their accomplishment (better teaching) There is also proof of the accomplishment
You might as well be blunt and straightforward with people who are too opinionated in order to reach them.
Provide evidence for those that already agree with you
Sentences that start with “there are” or “it is” are not strong
“This” is also an unclear word that can confuse the reader. Clarify what you are talking about
If you begin with “by” make sure the next thing you say clarifies who is doing the action
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Nice notes, CN
These are good:
You might as well be blunt and straightforward with people who are too opinionated in order to reach them.
Provide evidence for those that already agree with you
3/3
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We want students to learn more, not claim to be the best.
Not only have we been improving science teaching, but that effort has not been an utter waste of time because we teach better which doesn’t mean that our students gain better knowledge, but if we can prove that our students learn more.
When you’re that clear about your intentions you lose your audience
You risk alienating your readers when you take a blunt approach
Better science teaching means better science learning and more effective education
Training wheels don’t help a child learn how to ride a bike, but they can claim to
You will alienate people you don’t care about when you’re blunt
Some already agree with you, you’re not going to persuade them
Those who are way too opinionated to ever change their minds are lost
You might as well be blunt with them upfront to make sure they know where you stand so they can stop reading
They do not and will not agree with you
You can provide those who already agree with you evidence
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Fascinating. Who said all that?
3/3
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Warm Up:
Grave riddle: Two tombstones connected by clasped hands with a wall between them. One of the buried people was a protestant while the other was a catholic. They could not be buried in the same lot so they connected themselves in a different way.
Wake Up:
A bad slogan is like a bad thesis statement. Be blunt with your thesis, declare what you want to accomplish. “There are parents whose behaviors have a negative impact on their children.” -> “Bad parents kill their kids.” The job of the first paragraph is to get the reader to the second paragraph. It does not have to be dire, but the sooner you make it clear, the higher the stakes are for your readers to accept or not accept.
Rhetoric:
When writing, try to cut ambiguity and rather dictate your audience’s thoughts or at least take them down the highway of your argument. Do this as concise as possible by eliminating repetitions and junk language. This junk language refers to phrases like “there is,” “it is,” “types of,” etc. Use the examples given to see how to revise a paragraph or to see how to properly write an argument within a paragraph. Make every sentence an argument, use robust subjects and verbs.
Start to take these lessons and translate them into some revisions on your own work.
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We went over analyzing paragraphs and revising paragraphs “by verbing” the sentences. We also went over the revisal steps one by one and proceeded to use examples to visually see how the steps are used
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To start off the class we saw an image of two graves connected by holding hands over a wall. It turns out the two knew each other but were of different religions and were not allowed to be buried in the same lot. They improvised and had the statues hold hands, resulting in a cool and thought-provoking sight. The National Science teachers Association’s slogan is a great example of why you need a strong claim. The slogan is an argument, but it beats around the bush a lot and doesn’t actually show what they have accomplished.
It’s always better to be clear, but it’s important to keep in mind that some readers might be turned away if you are too blunt. One would never ask their dad for a car up front without first making it seem like a great idea and easing into it. This makes me think of my definition argument where I said “this is undeniable evidence that…(my thesis)” and I’m starting to think I need to change this when I do my rewrite so it’s not like I’m forcing my hypothesis onto the audience so much.
The verb to be (is/are) is very weak because whatever claim comes after it loses some of its oomph. You are just stating that something is existing and it’s not as effective as just stating the opinion. Make the subject of your idea the subject of the sentence.
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In weak slogans, putting a goal, especially when it is worded weakly is a way of making your organization look not as good as it could be. A company slogan is something of a thesis statement about what the organization is capable of. When writing an argument of any kind, you will not reach every reader who will come across your argument. The target audience of your argument is the small percentage in the middle who have not made a decision yet, not the people who have already agreed and disagreed. The weakest verb is (to) be, a general term for saying that a category of the following does exist. The filler words that are often at the beginning of a sentence are made when one does not know what the sentence is going to be before they write it. When editing and revising, removing the filler and restatements while improving the existing wording is often effectively done by going sentence to sentence. Descriptive and strong verbs also help to keep the reader attentive and continuously interested
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Riddle
-We discussed a graves of a Protestant man and a Catholic woman which are divided by a wall
-The graves are connected over the wall by two stone hands holding eachother
-This is a beautiful symbol of the strength of their love
Warm Up
-The National Science Teachers Association slogan is incredibly weak and dissappointing-“Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”
-It proves basically nothing, especially with the words “working”, “help”, “improve”, and “efforts”
-The message needs to be sent, for example “Our Students Learn More, and We Can Prove It”
-This applies to our papers because we do not want to make weak statements, we want to confidently say what we mean
-The goal is to compel the middle percentage of people who you might be able to pursuade
-When people read the paper, a big percentage (about 40%) of them already agree with your claim and another big percentage of them (40%) are too opinionated to read (you don’t need these people)
-You want to convince the very small percentage of people (about 20%) who are persuadable-they are your target audience
-They need to know exactly what you are trying to prove
Writing Skills
-In order to persuade people of your idea, you must use strong words-don’t waste your breath on bullshit
-For example “There are parents whose behavior has an unfortunate impact on their children” goes to”Bad parents kill their kids”
-The subject of your sentence must be the subject of your paper and the object of the sentence must be the object of the paper-do not waste these on unnecessary words
-Don’t start with “there is” or “there are”; it is weak and vague
-There is no way to build ambiguity into your statements, but there are ways to build choice and possibility into your statements; “Bad parents kill their kids with too much freedom or too little”
-Use the strongest subject and most robust verb
-Aspects of the writing to look for and change:
Eliminate repetitious material
Eliminate trash language:
There is / There are / (etc.)
It is / They are / (etc.)
because of the fact that / due to the fact that
The problem with this situation is . . . .
Fix flawed “By verbing . . .” sentences
Eliminate needless “types of,” “kinds of,” “sort of” language
Repair pronouns that have unclear antecedents
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In today’s class, we talked about purging toxic elements. Common phrases can kill good prose. Below is an opening paragraph that displays some toxic elements that a good revision will eliminate. “Is” is the weakest verb. The best a writer can hope to accomplish with such an opening is to tell readers that something exists. We need to eliminate repetitive material, trash language: there is / There are / (etc.), It is / They are / (etc.), because of the fact that/due to the fact that, The problem with this situation is, Fix flawed “By verbing . . .” sentences, Eliminate needless “types of,” “kinds of,” “sort of” language, and Repair pronouns that have unclear antecedents. Provide evidence for those that already agree with you
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Slogans should provide a concise declaration of unequivocal success.
Phrases such as “it is” and “there are” only take up space and distract from the argument.
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Class Today:
1) Discussed NSTA slogan
– how to better develop it
2) Focus on the people that can be persuaded when developing a thesis
– Keep distance from people who won’t be persuaded
3) Revised paragraph (Both in class and our own writing) to
a) take out junk
b) remove repetitive language
c) No language that includes- there is, there are, etc
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The riddle is about two married people, one catholic and one Protestant. They were not allowed to be buried with one another, so the grave site shows their love even in death.
The problem with the slogan is that it talks about how they have been around since 2008. The problem is that it’s not long enough to brag about. And second, their slogan is not assertive enough. It should say “We are teaching the future”. It’s simple and straight to the point.
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Not bad, CB. Nothing worth noting about the InspireAngels post? Nothing worth noting about the Visual Rhetoric demonstration?
2/4
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– We discussed a man and womans gravestones that were of separate religion, so they were separated by a wall.
– “Working to help improve” implies that the NSTA are working to improve science teaching, but it is not achieving its own goal. This slogan could be used whether or not teaching is improved.
– Reference title should be centered and not to the left, it also shouldn’t be bolded.
– Reference links should not be a paragraph, keep them as short as possible. (Hide the link behind the title.)
– Make sure paragraphs are not too long. teaching, but it is not achieving its own goal. This slogan could be used whether or not teaching is improved.
– Reference title should be centered and not to the left, it also shouldn’t be bolded.
– Reference links should not be a paragraph, keep them as short as possible. (Hide the link behind the title.)
– Make sure paragraphs are not too long.
– Visual Rhetoric: visual is what you saw, rhetoric is what it meant.
– “Now” ad breakdown
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Some very odd repetitions going on here, RowanLuver. You earn the full 4/4 because of this gem: “visual is what you saw, rhetoric is what it meant.”
4/4
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-Slogans should be short and concise
-Slogans should not use words that are not needed and confuse the reader on the goal of the organization
-Say what you mean, mean what you say
-NSTA: Improving Science Education for Generations to Come
-Embed links into the title of the article in citations
-First two sentences are crucial because they rope the reader into the essay
-You can learn a lot about an ad from the first frame
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All true. I hope you got more out of class than that.
3/4
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I got to class early today and the professor was playing high-energy music, I appreciate the wake-up but I could really use some more sleep haha.
Riddle: The graves reaching for each other over a wall, turns out it’s because the wife was catholic and the husband was protestant. They couldn’t be buried together so they got buried on separate sides and had hands reaching for each other.
Wake Up: How to fix a slogan
– The National Science Teachers Association: The slogan has a good message of wanting to “improve” science teaching. However, the overall slogan is basically saying that they are trying to improve efforts when really that could mean they made no actual improvement and it sounds like they haven’t made any changes to science teaching.
A better slogan: Demonstrating better learning and teaching young scientists just like you.
Housekeeping: Your definition rewrite needs a title, and paragraphs need to be separated based on the main idea of each claim focus. The link only needs to link the title, not the whole link. References should be in the middle and not bolded. The R should be capitalized. You don’t need the URL once it’s linked in the reference title.
When going over InspireAngels definition argument, the professor was giving tips on how if you give the reader something like “crosswords can help curb wanting to binge eat” then metacognition is something the reader is ready to read because we have an example of what metacognition already is.
The Visual Rhetoric Unit: There will be 8 portfolio items, your definition and causal arguments with their rewrites is already halfway complete if you put them into your portfolio. The professor basically mushed George bush and Obama together in a static image until they’re basically morphed together. He also did the same thing with Trump and Biden. Everyone will interpret the images differently and this can help someone understand what you are trying to claim.
Visual analysis on 1-second of a video: We found lots of things from just 0:00 seconds. We found they’re in a diner, based on the cups in the background. The older guy with the kids looks like their coach because of his lanyard and baseball glove. We figure they lost because the kid looks sad. The picture of the background makes us believe it could be a greek diner. There’s a bowling pin in the background, could be a bowling alley attached to the diner. The guy and girl in the back look like they could be dating. Professional zoom with the camera. The resolution quality is poor, it seems more authentic that way.
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These are superlative Notes for so many reasons, OV!
5/4
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-Today, class began with a picture of two gravestones from different denominations of the catholic church, in two separate graveyards, reaching over the fence and touching eachother.
-Then, we went over the NSTA slogan and how we can fix it.
-In order to fix this slogan, I think it would be best to keep it as simple as possible. So I propose: Teaching Better Science.
-I believe that the second caption was better for the presidents exercise, because it makes you think more.
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A little thin, but your slogan is strong. (Maybe not as strong as Teaching Science Better, but strong enough.)
4/4
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-NSTA New Slogan: Improving the quality of Science Education in schools across the world to benefit the scientists of Tomorrow.
Learning from InspireAngel’s Post:
-TITLE all arguments
-Don’t forget to break up paragraphs with EACH new idea. No absurdly long Paragraphs.
-“References” should be unbolded & centered on the page
Visual Rhetoric Intro
-“This image means what I TELL you it means”
-Watch a 30-second video muted. Describe what you see in each frame and WHY you see it, so the reader doesn’t have to watch the video to get ALL meaning from it.
-“Anything you see is RIGHT”
**Visual Rhetoric DUE MON, APRIL 3 @ 11:59 pm**
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I was hoping to communicate more with the InspireAngels demo, but you win your 4/4 with “This image means ‘I tell YOU what it means.'”
4/4
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Today, we first looked at a picture of hands holding above a wall and the wall is separating them. It’s a very interesting structure that tells a story when just getting a glance. The catholic couple wasn’t able to get buried together because they had different beliefs so their graves were separate but symbolically made to show them reaching across for each other. I think that it is very romantic and almost sad. The fact they could’t be together in the end is sad but the set up of the structure is heartwarming.
We then discussed how to fix a slogan, some words in the slogan should be dropped or changed. The slogan should have been more definite then using words such as “help” “trying” because it gives the reader doubt. What sounds better then “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008” is “Results on how to Improve Science Teachings.”
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I was hoping to communicate SOMETHING with the InspireAngels demo, but you win your 4/4 with your slogan. (However, “We Improve Science Teaching”?)
4/4
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Physical riddle- catholic woman and a protestant man brought back together by symbolic grave markers
Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008- bad slogan change to better science teaching since 2008 and even better demonstrably better learning since 2008.
Slogan- learning at new heights since 2008
References- make only the title a hyperlink and center them
Don’t flood paragraphs with unnecessary information that makes paragraphs confusing or too long.
Visual Rhetoric: They mean what I say they mean without context an image can mean whatever the viewer wants it to mean.
Everything that occurs to you is right
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I love Notes that give me a way in. 🙂
1. Don’t flood paragraphs with unnecessary information that makes paragraphs confusing or too long.
—My point about long paragraphs was not that they contained too much information (evidence, illustration, etc.) but that they contain MORE THAN ONE Main Idea.
2. Visual Rhetoric: They mean what I say they mean without context an image can mean whatever the viewer wants it to mean.
—Almost. the reader’s interpretation is malleable, for sure, but the WRITER is in charge of the meaning and can manipulate the reader with a credible interpretation (angle).
3. Everything that occurs to you is right
—Sort of. When watching a well-crafted short persuasive video, our first impressions are probably what the creators intended, even if they’re stereotypes. There’s not a lot of time for nuance.
4/4
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First we looked at a physical riddle of two grave markers joined together on opposite sides of a wall. It turns out that this is a married couple between a Catholic and Protestant, and they couldn’t be buried next to each other because of their differing faiths.
Then we looked at a slogan of the NCTA that says “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008.” This slogan could be improved because it only says they are “working” to improve rather than stating that they are improving. Also, 2008 isn’t that long ago, so it isn’t necessary to add that year.
We also looked at a sample essay, and it was emphasized that we should add titles to our portfolio projects, and we should know when to separate our paragraphs so they aren’t too long. Also, the first paragraph we looked at didn’t hook readers in with its first sentence, and would lose many of its readers. We should make our statements and topics more clear and easy to understand so readers have something to latch onto.
We looked at an image of president Donald Trump and Joe Biden’s faces being morphed together, with 2 different interpretations or claims about them. Both are fair uses of the image and convey a different point.
For our visual rhetoric assignment, we are going to look at a 30 second video without sound and describe it as much as we can. We looked at the first second of a commercial and made assumptions based on everything framed in the shot, including the main characters, who they are, where they are, and what is going on.
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Nice work, Music.
4/4
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How to Fix a Slogan: NSTA
Ex: “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts Since 2008”
-doesn’t prove any achievement
-hasn’t been around very long
-“science teaching efforts”
-portfolio assignments require titles, as all essays should
-titles do not have to have each word begin with a capital letter
-it is unlikely that a single block paragraph can communicate one idea
-References should be centered, unbolded, with a colon
-only insert the link in the physical written out link
-the opening sentence should both intrigue readers and tell them what the essay is about
-reread sentences from the perspective of a reader
-think about what you are trying to say
-avoid language that readers won’t understand
-categorize essays into portfolio
Visual Rhetoric:
-understanding what’s meant in visual arguments
-assignment is to watch a 30 second video (muted) and describe it’s meaning so well, the reader doesn’t have to watch it
-video must be from the Ad Council
Ex: Now
-zoom is professional to look amateur
-takes place in a European diner
-coach is sitting with kids
Due Dates:
Causal Argument – midnight at 3/29
Visual Rhetoric – midnight at 4/3
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-Physical riddle- they are 2 graves that are holding hands across a wall because a protestant and catholic got married and couldn’t be buried together because of their beliefs in the netherlands
-Slogan- The way companies word their slogans is not the best possible way. They leave out important information and talk too much about things that don’t matter.
-Better slogans don’t miss the mark. Lots of slogans fail because they only mention the intention.
-Your essay has a point of view so all your essays should include a title
-Fix your references and make sure you are formatting them correctly
-Make sure in your first paragraph and especially in your first sentence you are grabbing your reader’s attention
-Visual rhetoric is being able to make someone agree with what you are saying through an image or video
-Visual rhetoric assignment is part of portfolio and will need an revised draft also
-Visual rhetoric is due tuesday
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-Discussed the gravestones of a man and a woman belonging to different religions, which were separated by a wall
-The NSTA is using the slogan “Working to help improve” to convey that they are dedicated to enhancing science teaching, but it does not necessarily indicate that they have achieved their goal. This message can be utilized regardless of whether or not teaching has been improved
-The title of a reference should be centered and not bolded, and reference links should be kept as brief as possible
-It is important to ensure that paragraphs are not too long, and keep ideas separate
-When referring to visual rhetoric, “visual” pertains to what was seen, while “rhetoric” refers to what it conveyed
-Breakdown of the “Now” advertisement, took bit by bit and did a shot breakdown
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Riddle: 2 graves that are connected across a wall and are divided because a protestant and catholic got married and couldn’t be buried together because of their different beliefs.
Slogan: Companies could word their slogans better. They should be more informative and not so much things that don’t matter. Example: “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts Since 2008”. A greater approach could be “Improved Science Teaching since 2008”.
All your essays should include a title.
Remove unnecessary sentences in your essays.
Make sure your references are formatted the right way.
The visual rhetoric unit: due next Tuesday, April 4. Make someone agree with what you are saying through an image. This will need a revised draft. Understand visual arguments. Assignment is to watch a 30 second video with no sound and describe it’s meaning without the reader having to watch it. Also, why the video was made. Videos are made by Ad Council.
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What is a visual riddle? In the image, there is a brick wall and a white pillar with a cross on top {indicating that it is connected to a Christian building of some-sort}. The brick wall and pillar looks separate, yet connected. Another notable thing to add is that the white pillars have hands clasping each other. The white pillars are the graves of a Catholic and Protestant Dutch couple from the 19th-century. Lesson: look for small clues/indications of things that do not have much context.
National Science Teachers Association slogan: “Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008.” This is a poor slogan. There is something to be proud about when you say that you have improved science teaching efforts. However, you have no actually improved anything. You are WORKING. You have not reached your goal yet. Lesson: phrase your words carefully. Be cautious about your audience’s interpretation of your writing.
BETTER SLOGAN FOR THE NSTA: “Improving science teaching efforts since 2008.”
Do not bury key details in your writing that readers will never find {do not start discussing your key topics, points, etc. later in your writing}. Your first sentence must guarantee that your readers will read your second sentence, then third, and so on. Your first sentence must grip readers’ attention. Readers want to know what they are investing their time in as soon as they start reading. That includes crafting a gripping title.
When citing references in your paper, unbold the “References” title and center it. You also do not need to highlight the entire citation.
Visual Rhetoric Unit: Portfolio item that has nothing to do with your research paper. It discusses language literacy. Did anything radically change about the transition from Trump to Biden? No. The pictures show an old white guy, with the same blue tie, with the same flag in the background. Whether you agree or disagree with one or both of them, they are the same.
Focus on the foreground. Look at the details of things.
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Visual Rhetoric/Rewrite is due April 3rd at midnight.
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-The riddle is two tomb stones that are separated by a brick wall but are connected by hands of a husband and wife who believed if different religions that weren’t able to be buried in the same cemetery.
– This shows us how much we can glean from a part of image
– If you are going to design a slogan, and want to improve teaching, then you need to get rid of working, helping and efforts. So the slogan can just be “To Improve Science Teaching.”
– Go over the the feedback of your definition rewrite.
– Include a title to your Argument.
– Your first sentence NEEDS to hook the reader, if not they will not be finishing your essay.
– You need to write something that is tangible and things/items that will get your reader hooked, instead of a definition or words that are harder to understand.
– Try to make your paragraphs shorter, for the readers to stay interested.
– Visual Rhetoric due Tuesday (April 3rd)
– Make sure that you can describe the 30 second video well enough so that the reader does not have watch the video
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-Riddle: The gravestones are located in the Netherlands, and it is a catholic woman and her protestant husband. They were separated and put in different cemeteries due to their differing faith.
– Slogan: Creating the next generation of science scholars.
– Make sure your first sentence as well as the whole first paragraph grabs people’s attention and keeps your audience reading.
– Your essay needs a title. Your title is your chance to hook readers before they even start reading.
– Be careful of making paragraphs that run off the top and bottom of the page. It may be too long.
– link the websites to the titles in the references
– Visual Rhetoric is a Portfolio Assignment but it has nothing to do with your research paper!
– Visual Rhetoric is due April 4th
– When watching the video think that there are no accidents, and every choice was made deliberately.
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Great Slogan
5/4
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VISUAL RIDDLE
Two gravestones separated by a brick wall
It’s a gravestone of a dutch catholic wife and protestant husband
HOW TO FIX A SLOGAN
“Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”
This sentence does not tell us that their goal is to improve its goal to help someone else improve science teaching.
1.We want to improve teaching, not effort.
2.We want to do the improving, not help.
3.We want to show results, not work at it.
*get rid of the helping, the effort, and the working for a better slogan
You wanna show how they have been improving
BETTER SLOGAN:
Increasing Science test scores since 2008
HOUSEKEEPING
Going over Inspireangels writing
– make sure each sentence grabs enough attention to bring the reader to the next sentence.
A title is a chance to grab attention before the reader even starts
Some sentences are unnecessary so we either need to get rid of them or start a new paragraph if we believe it’s still important to the essay.
REFERENCES
The entire reference does not need to be the whole link, You only need to make the title the link
Does not need to be bold
Make sure its aligned to the middle
THE VISUAL RHETORIC UNIT
A portfolio assignment
The next Portfolio item (and the only one not directly connected to your Research Position Paper) is the Visual Rhetoric Analysis
Visual Rhetoric—Static Image
In Class Exercise
– The first poster is using the pictures in a positive way and the second poster is using it in a negative way. I believe that the second poster is way more effective because the text fits the pictures properly while the first one you could just have a picture of Biden and not need the rest of them for what the poster is saying.
Task
Portfolio Assignment: Visual Rhetoric/Rewrite
DUE TUE APR 04 (11:59pm MON APR 03)
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At the beginning of class we looked at an image of two gravestones of husband and wife that were separated by a wall. They were connected because above the wall the two grave stones had hands that were holding each other. The two graves were separated because they were a dutch couple and the wife was catholic and the husband was protestant so they couldn’t be buried together.
“Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008” is unclear as to what the goal of the national science teachers association. It seems as though they haven’t actually made improvements or advancements. This slogan is very vague and confusing. There initiative is very unclear. A better slogan may be “Improving efforts of teaching science since 2008”. I think this slogan makes more sense because it would explain that the mission of the NSTA is to improve all science teaching methods.
All blog posts need a title. It is important to have a hook that keeps the readers wanting to read the next sentence. Make sure it is understandable for anyone who is reading this. Avoid paragraphs that take up the whole entire page. Divide paragraphs by transitions that naturally occur for each point to make sure that there is enough reasoning for each point. References needs to be not bold and in the center with no punctuation. Include a link with the references.
We watched the Ad Councils video of “Now” as an example of visual rhetoric. We watched the video without sound and discussed what the meaning of the ad was and went over what we thought was happening. All choices are deliberate. Even without sound we were able to determine what was going on in the ad. The message of the video was that people should be teaching young children about the dangers of violence against women. What helped come to that conclusion was the words on the screen. The noise in the video completely changed the meaning and made it seem scary since the beginning.
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We looked over the graves that are separated by a wall because they had different religions.
Making a better slogan for the National Science Teacher Association.
The new slogan I would use would be, “Better science teaching since 2008.”
We went over how to engage with the reader better and how to add in our references easier.
Visual Rhetoric is a portfolio assignment that has nothing to do with the research paper.
Going through every second of the youtube video.
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-“Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”, is not a good slogan
^Get rid of the “help” and “effort”
-If your first sentence thwarts your reader’s attention they won’t read the second sentence
-If the reader doesn’t get engaged in the first place they won’t try to get engaged with the rest of the paper
-Have a title that will hook will your readers too
-Make sure paragraphs aren’t too long
-If a paragraph is too long look for a transition into another main idea that will break it up
-For the references page, “References” should be centered
-Visuals communicate to us but they benefit from words being used in combination
-The videos for the Visual Rhetoric assignment are to be watched on mute
-The goal is to describe the video good enough to the point where someone reading your description doesn’t have to watch it
-Allowed to mention any text on screen
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Riddle: The Riddle talks about a pair of Dutch graves of a Catholic woman and a Protestant man. They are held together by a pair of clasped hands that reach over a brick wall. The wall is probably separating Catholic and Protestant grave sites.
Wake up: The NSTA, National Science Teachers Association, slogan is one of the worst slogans. We need to want to improve teaching, not effort, do the improving, not help, and want to show results, not work at it.
Housekeeping: If the reader is not engaged they will not want to continue reading. In order to keep readers you need an engaging title and first sentence to keep the reader interested in your writing. Be careful when creating paragraphs that stretch the whole length of the page.
Visual Rhetoric: Using an image without text is hard to understand what the meaning is. One image can have multiple meanings depending on the way the image is changed and what language is being used with the image
Ad Council: Taking a 30-second video you need to watch it with muted sound. They always have enough money so everything is always a choice in the ads.
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Class Notes 3/28:
-How to fix a slogan: Wording in slogans can be tricky. The NSTA slogan is a perfect example. The words they have seem like they mean well but the structure of the words makes it read so terribly. “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts” quite literally means they’re working on helping improving the effort of science teaching. How dumb does that sound? Based on this statement they’ve accomplished nothing meaningful.
-My New Slogan for NSTA: “Making better science students through education and inspiration”
– Bold Claims/Bold Titles act as a great way to engage readers right off the bat
-Visualizations don’t mean as much without our literary knowledge or literary background.
-Video exercise from the Ad Council was very interesting. You learn a lot in just a few seconds without even hearing anything that’s going on. Visual Rhetoric was imminent in the first few seconds because without sound or background and only visual, we were able to build a plot and idea in our heads of what may happen in the video without actually knowing anything.
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Riddle: 2 graves seem to be connected by holding each other’s hands. It turns out that they were married but could not be buried together due to their different religious beliefs.
NTSA Slogan: how to fix it
We want to prove that we are doing something better, not show that progress is being made.
New Slogan: “Better Learning for Science Students”
All papers need to have a strong opening sentence unless the reader will no longer be engaged. It is important to have a hook to make your paper worth while.
Bold Titles seem to catch readers attention.
Visual Rhetoric: Portfolio Assignment (not for White Paper) due April 4 (April 3 11:59)
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Riddle of Two Graves: We viewed an image of two grave stones that are separated by a brick wall…but they are still connected.
Could be husband and wife…separated by something. Perhaps they died separately? Maybe in different countries?
The answer: Graves of Catholic noble women and her Protestant husband who were not allowed to buried together due to Pillarisation (a form of religious and political segregation)
Wake Up: How to Fix a Slogan
“Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”-The National Science Teachers Association
* Working to help improve…they haven’t done it yet.
* Teaching efforts… they aren’t even helping to improve science TEACHING…they are “working to improve the efforts OF teaching”
Better Slogan Idea: Teaching science better since 2008
Housekeeping: All pieces we write will require a title. When we draft our first paragraph, we need to ensure it will make our audience want to ready more. The goal of the first sentence is to get the reader to want to read the second sentence. If the sentences lack something…or are just confusing to read…then why even bother reading on?
Our references section: “References” need to be unbolded and centered
When citing our sources…embed the link to the title instead of the entire citation. (And make sure to allow readers to be able to open the link in a new tab.)
The Visual Rhetoric Unit: A Portfolio Assignment (that has nothing to do with our research project)
Definition, Causal, and Rebuttal are a part of the portfolio. Assignments such as the White Paper and Stone Money are not portfolio assignments. The Visual Rhetoric assignment is the rare assignment that is not related to our portfolio .
Visual Rhetoric is due April 3 at midnight
Causal Argument is due March 29 at midnight
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Riddle of the Day- Catholic women and protestant men have been brought together by symbolic grave markers.
“Working to Help Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”- Get rid of efforts and 2008
We want to improve teaching, not the effort
Slogan- Improving the Minds of Young Scientists Since 2008
Be mindful of the information you put into your paper and make sure it’s necessary for your work.
Biden and Trump’s image merged makes them look similar.
Visual Rhetoric- An image can be whatever a viewer wants it to be.
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-The visual riddle is the gravestones of a catholic woman and a protestant man separated by a brick wall connected by hands. The riddle is that they are separated by a wall and by death.
-Slogans can be miswritten like thesis statements. The National Science Teachers Association‘s slogan is “Working to Help Improve Science Teaching Efforts since 2008”. It makes it seems that there haven’t been any actual improvements since 2008 because they’ve been “working” on it and creating an “effort” where is the progress, the real help instead of effort?
-Make sure that your first paragraphs catch the reader’s eye in your essay, which causes them to read sentence two and so on. Have a title and a good opening sentence, and add links to the source’s title on the reference page.
-Visual Rhetoric is a portfolio assignment but not part of the research paper. Sometimes audios are optional because you can understand the message through visuals.
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Riddle: Catholic and protestant couple are reunited despite being of different religions, their tombs are connected despite the brick wall being in between them.
Slogan Remake: advancing science teaching since 2008
Visual Rhetoric: it was a static image where it combined former presidents with a message along them it shows how the image can be depicted in different ways according to the viewer.
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Riddle of Two Graves: The picture shows the graves of a Catholic woman and her Protestant husband connected by two arms holding hands. They are 19th century Dutch gravestones. The image portrays that they tried to stay united in death. Since they were not allowed to be buried in the same lot, they turned their graves into a monument that holds hands over the wall that divides them.
How to Fix a Slogan: NSTA “National Science Teachers Association” has a slogan that says, “Working to help improve science teaching efforts since 2008.” This is an awful slogan with a less worthy goal. It is poorly written and does not convey a clear message.
A better slogan could be “Continuously improving science teaching since 2008.”
We were shown an example of a bad opening paragraph. It was a bad paragraph because it buried all the important details at the bottom of the paragraph, not at the start. By reading the first sentence, we want our readers to want to read sentence two and three and so on, until they reach the end. We want to get our readers engaged from the beginning, just by the first sentence. Also, always put a title that would hook your readers!
Every paragraph should contain a single main idea. We should not have multiple main ideas in one paragraph. Our paragraphs should not be too big, they should fit about the width of the page, not exceeding the top or the bottom.
The word “References” has to be centered and not bold. To hide links behind titles, copy the link and then unlink it and attach the link to the title, then hit open in new tab. We should hide the links that we use behind their titles in our references page.
The Visual Rhetoric Unit: Visual Rhetoric goes into our portfolio, but has nothing to do with our research paper.
Our White Paper and Stone Money does not go into our portfolio.
George Bush and Barack Obama image – visuals communicate to us, but they can lack the conversation or meaning.
Our visual rhetoric assignment is to describe a 30 second video so well that the readers do not have to watch it. Whatever appears on screen, we have to believe that it was totally intentional. Everything was chosen for a reason. We have to first watch them with the sound off and analyze just the visuals. We approach these as the final draft and that everything was chosen deliberately and there are no accidents. Everything is done with visulas, we don’t need the sound, but it can be helpful. We can mention the text on the screen as well.
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Riddle of Two Graves
– Protestant and Catholic couple separated by wall between cemeteries find a way to be together
Wake Up: How to Fix a Slogan
– slogan needs to achieve something/ communicate the goal of the organization
– must be concise but specific to the cause
Housekeeping
– Title all works, center ‘references’
– Hide link to sources behind the title of the work
– In order to engage readers, the first sentence of the first paragraph must be engaging enough to entice the reader into wanting to read the next one
Visual Rhetoric
– DUE APRIL 3RD
– Portfolio Assignment
– Must produce both an original and a rewrite
– Information Literacy: combination of written and visual information
– Can mean whatever the interpreter says/ wants it to mean
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