Open Strong—kingofcamp
For many centuries in Western culture, women have been subjected to oppression and the objectivation of their bodies; while men have taken authority and defined what it means to be a virgin in the female perspective. In the patriarchal society, women have been silenced by the power men have over women. By objectifying female virginity, women have taken it among themselves to “romanticize” their own virginity, considering it to be “sacred.” Therefore, because men have objectified female virginity for centuries, women have taken the matter into their own hands, “romanticizing” their own virginity and in result, objectifying themselves.
It is counterintuitive to believe that women, collectively, have objectified their own virginity. For centuries, men have held overall power and jurisdiction in the West. Because of relentless confinement, women desired to hold some type of power over their bodies, therefore “romanticizing” their own virginity. Systemic oppression and objectification lead many women to objectify their own virginity in order to hold any ounce of power over men.
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Counterintuitive Spring 2023 
For many centuries in Western culture, women have been subjected to oppression and the objectivation of their bodies; while men have taken authority and defined what it means to be a virgin in the female perspective. In the patriarchal society, women have been silenced by the power men have over women. By objectifying female virginity, women have taken it among themselves to “romanticize” their own virginity, considering it to be “sacred.” Therefore, because men have objectified female virginity for centuries, women have taken the matter into their own hands, “romanticizing” their own virginity and in result, objectifying themselves.
That’s a lot of abstract terms, King.
subjected / oppression / objectivation / “virgin in the female perspective” / patriarchal / objectifying / “female virginity” / objectifying / romanticize / objectified / “female virginity” / “romanticizing” / “their own virginity” / objectifying
That’s five objectifies, four versions of female virginity, and two romanticizings.
The subjects of your sentences and main clauses are:
women / men / women / women / men / women.
These are clues to why your paragraph’s logic sounds circular.
It’s not easy working in abstracts. But it’s essential to start strong and clearly.
Men have dominated and continue to dominate women in Western society.
They objectify women in order to control them and assign them “acceptable roles.”
Among the most insidious roles women are pressured to fulfill is The Virgin, a role not valued equally for males.
Women have so completely succumbed to their roles that they value virginity as if it were sacred.
They have become their own oppressors.
Still abstract, but simpler, I think. Clearer. Yes? Helpful?
Your turn. This is a conversation. Thanks!
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Hi professor,
Once again, thank you for the feedback, I always appreciate your guiding words. As we discussed, I am working in abstract terms. The difficulty is being specific yet leaving readers knowing that terms discussed are ambiguous and up for interpretation. The example you give is good, I like it a lot. My question being, the terms I’ve used in my previous draft are now being used as verbs and adjectives in your example. With that said, does that mean I have to elaborate of those terms used. For example, you say, “They objectify women in order to control them and assign them ‘acceptable roles.’” You use the word “objectify” as an adjective. Does that mean I have to elaborate on what that word means in my Casual essay or not? Thanks a million!
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^ I’m asking these questions in regard to my Casual argument because I am using my “Open Strong” paragraph as the foundation for my Casual essay.
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Hi, King.
I’m glad you’re open to feedback. You take it well and use it well.
I disagree about “objectify” being an adjective. It actually can’t be.
The participles of verbs can be used as adjectives.
Present participle: OBJECTIFYING as an ADJECTIVE
Who are you calling a “babe”? That’s an objectifying word.
—objectifying modifies the noun word.
Past participle: OBJECTIFIED as an ADJECTIVE:
Women who participate in bathing suit competitions are considered an objectified class.
—objectified modifies the noun class.
But “Men OBJECTIFY women” is a straight-up verb usage, as much as “Men DOMINATE women.”
Several times you’ve referred to your CAUSAL argument as CASUAL.
Thank you for your responsiveness. 🙂
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Oh, wait.
I’ll bet you meant I use the term “acceptable” as an adjective for “roles.”
Of course it is; and it’s a term you haven’t used yourself yet, so it might be a good candidate for some definition elaboration. Your call, though. I didn’t mean to force it on you.
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Hi,
I meant to say “you use the word ‘objectify’ as a VERB” NOT ADJECTIVE. That was my own fault, I was typing too fast and did not double check. I apologize for the misunderstanding.
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It’s OK. The conversation has been valuable, I think.
I didn’t suspect you meant VERB because you yourself have used it twice as a verb though not in the simple present tense. You say:
—By objectifying female virginity, AND
—men have objectified female virginity
Turns out we agree.
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Back to the original question, after hopefully clarifying, do I need to elaborate on those terms used in your revised paragraph? For example, “objectify,” you use the word as a verb. Does that call for elaboration, or no? Thanks!
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Well, . . . I know what I mean by objectify, but my definition could be radically different from yours. If you want to be in charge of the terms, you have to claim them.
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