Practice Opening- RowanAnnouncer

The polio virus will never be completely eradicated from existence. The reason the polio virus will never disappear is the same reason the covid virus will likely never disappear. Most people think they are unable to trust any form of higher power, whether it’d be on a smaller scale (CVS, Rite Aid (suppliers)) or large scale (Government Leaders (enforcers)). Rightfully so, but at some point you must concede for the collective advancement of society. Finding the right circumstances for every non-vaccinated human to collectively yield their bodies for the greater good will take nothing less than a miracle. There will always be someone to play the devil’s advocate. 

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1 Response to Practice Opening- RowanAnnouncer

  1. davidbdale says:

    There’s a lot to like here, RA, but as an opening for an essay about the eradication of polio, it goes oddly off track.

    The polio virus will never be completely eradicated from existence.
    —”from existence” is redundant. Eradication means to be made non-existent.

    The reason the polio virus will never disappear is the same reason the COVID virus will likely never disappear.
    —The analogy is fine, but here you should consider tightening up your language. “The reason is the same reason” is a very weak claim. Stronger: “The polio virus, like the COVID virus, will never disappear, and for the same reason.”

    Most people think they are unable to trust any form of higher power, whether it’d be on a smaller scale (CVS, Rite Aid (suppliers)) or large scale (Government Leaders (enforcers)).
    —Again, a fine bit of thinking that can be expressed more directly. Your claim is about DISTRUST, not about what “people think they are unable to trust.” Most people distrust power, whether commercial or governmental.

    Rightfully so, but at some point you must concede for the collective advancement of society.
    —Directly lecturing your readers about their civic responsibility is a BIG RISK, RA. You could be less personal. Our distrust is impeding our advancement? Our distrust is confounding our efforts to keep the community safe?

    Finding the right circumstances for every non-vaccinated human to collectively yield their bodies for the greater good will take nothing less than a miracle.
    —We’re losing the thrust of your argument here. 1. We’ll never eradicate. 2. Because of our distrust. 3. But we have to if we want to succeed. 4. But it will take a miracle. So, which direction is the argument heading?

    There will always be someone to play the devil’s advocate.
    —Undoubtedly, but “virus will never be eradicated” is not the inevitable conclusion.

    You’re more than welcome to revise if you want to, RA. If you do, please leave me a Reply to let me know you want another look.

    Like

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