4 Responses to Definition Rewrite—Mellowtacos

1. davidbdale says:

   March 13, 2023 at 12:07 pm

   I’ve renamed your post as Definition Rewrite, MellowTacos, because you didn’t provide one. Please produce a clean post called Definition—MellowTacos to give yourself a “snapshot” of how your work looked before feedback and revisions.

   Only the Rewrites receive feedback. Revisions are made only to the Rewrite. Leave the Definition post unaltered. It will go into your Portfolio as is alongside the Rewrite to show improvement.

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2. davidbdale says:

   March 16, 2023 at 1:47 pm

   Rhetorical Note on your Opening Paragraph. It starts VERY slowly, mostly because of all the passive constructions. Nobody DOES anything in your first paragraph, MellowTacos. Sentence by sentence:
   1. Mental health can be affected in many different ways.
   —Something “affects” mental health (whatever that means), but we don’t know what. Lots of things.

   2. More recently people have found the pandemic left some people with issues such as depression, anxiety or high stress levels.
   —People found that people were left with issues.

   3. In order to cope with this, millions of dogs were adopted to provide comfort in hard times.
   —Dogs were adopted. By depressed people? Anxious and stressed people?

   4. However, people did not take into consideration the amount of money and time Dogs consume, especially puppies.
   —We don’t know what they DID, but we know they didn’t plan well.

   5. Dogs were given back to the shelters at an alarming rate for multiple reasons.
   —Dogs were given back. By people who didn’t plan well?

   6. Those who could afford the cost of the dogs could not provide the care needed when they went back to work after the pandemic.
   —We don’t know what they did, be we know they COULDN’T afford dogs.

   7. Those who could not afford dogs gave them up to shelters when the pandemic hit.
   —People gave up dogs to shelters. When the pandemic hit? Or was it after they returned to work? Or both?

   As I was reading your Introduction, I wished you had started with something bold and categorical like, “The Pandemic was briefly very good news for dogs seeking adoption!” And then I found that sentence in a later paragraph. PLEASE start your argument with Paragraph 4! It’s a much better introduction.

   You may not need the first paragraph at all, but if you do decide to use it, make it ACTIVE and clear. I’m going to revise every sentence for boldness and active verbs.

   Mental health can be affected in many different ways.
   —Pandemics wound more people than they kill.

   More recently people have found the pandemic left some people with issues such as depression, anxiety or high stress levels.
   —Survivors suffer depression, anxiety, suicidality. They’re alive, but they wish they weren’t.

   In order to cope with this, millions of dogs were adopted to provide comfort in hard times.
   —Millions of desperate people during the pandemic impulsively adopted dogs, hoping the animals would ease their suffering.

   However, people did not take into consideration the amount of money and time dogs consume, especially puppies.
   —But, unlike counselors, dogs can’t be scheduled for a 50-minute session once a week. They need constant care in return for the comfort they offer.

   Dogs were given back to the shelters at an alarming rate for multiple reasons.
   —Alarming numbers (you should be able to find an actual number for this!) of fickle adopters surrendered dogs back to shelters when they had served their short-term purpose.

   Those who could not afford dogs gave them up to shelters when the pandemic hit.
   —Some never had the resources to devoted to a pet in the first place.

   Those who could afford the cost of the dogs could not provide the care needed when they went back to work after the pandemic.
   —Others abandoned their animals because the return to work interfered with dog care.

   Do you see how you can be really straightforward, direct, and clear by concentrating on WHO DID WHAT in every situation?

   I hope you found this helpful, MellowTacos. You should apply this advice and technique to all your paragraphs (after you rearrange them). Please reply to feedback always, MT. It’s the primary benefit of the course, and I do love the conversations, but I tire of them when they become one-sided.

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3. davidbdale says:

   March 16, 2023 at 1:52 pm

   I have another example of how easily writers can slip into a pattern of weak claims. Notice how many times in one paragraph you observe that something IS SHOWN.

   Dogs and cats HAVE SHOWN to positively increase mental health. In stress-full positions such as the pandemic these pets HAVE SHOWN tremendous help with anxiety and depressions. Those who also deal with social anxiety whether the pandemic caused it or not will SHOW lots of progress with a therapy animal. During the isolation there was a larger population adopting dogs. Studies HAVE SHOWN that humans and dogs are more alike due to the fact that we are both “social animals” where we can both benefit from one another. However the relationship between the two is bidirectional because we HAVE SHOWN to have negative effects on animals. There is a strong correlation between negative health and well being of the owner and the negative health and well being of the pet.

   Maybe nobody else would have noticed it. I get paid to. But I would have noticed it anyway. This is the value of “another reader.”

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4. mellowtacos says:

   March 20, 2023 at 10:03 pm

   Pandemic puppies deserted after serving their short-term purpose

   Although covid negatively impacted humans, dogs benefited tremendously. Shelters were being whipped clean due to the sudden increase in families and home owners wanting a furry companion during this time. In the article “Human–dog relationships during the COVID-19 pandemic: booming dog adoption during social isolation” by Liat Morgan she discussed how covid disturbed our lives and how dogs have helped. During Covid-19 there were many who suffered from any and all types of health issues while being locked away in their house. Dogs have shown to positively increase mental health. In stress-full positions such as the pandemic these pets have shown tremendous help, specifically with anxiety and depressions. Those who also deal with social anxiety whether the pandemic caused it or not will show lots of progress with a therapy animal. Studies have shown that humans and dogs are more alike due to the fact that we are both “social animals” where we can both benefit from one another. However the relationship between the two is bidirectional because we have shown to have negative effects on animals. There is a strong correlation between negative health and well being of the owner and the negative health and well being of the pet.
   It’s extremely common for people to find comfort in dogs, in fact this has been deeply researched by Gabrielle Marie McKeon who works with therapy dogs. In her article “Health and Happiness: Dogs and Their Therapeutic Value” she shares with us all the benefits that therapy dogs provide us with. Sigmon Freud, a credible psychotherapist, believed that dogs had the ability to sense tension, which they then respond to. During the pandemic households were flooded with tensions and could benefit from a dog according to Freud’s study. Therapy dogs work in many different places such as homes, schools, and hospitals. Liz Cleaves, owner and operator of Auntie Dog Training Studio, says she feels that training these dogs gives her “ a deeper and better relationship”(McKeon, 9). These dogs can range from all different types of sizes and breeds. A member from a TDI Certified Therapy Team said that one of the dogs was able to connect to a patient who was very self abusive and got her to stop hitting herself. Kathryn Kircher and her dog who is TDI certified stopped by a hospital and visited an older gentleman who was not commutative and depressed for a week. That man’s daughter thanked Kircher for bringing her dog to visit because they connected so much it made him “alert and upbeat”(McKeon, 28). Dr. Stuart Markowitz, the president of Hartford hospital says that ‘“the companionship that animals bring is vital to all of us
   The connection between your pet and your mental health is proven to positively affect the spiking population of those with poor mental health which shot up 25% during covid according to The World Health Organization. An online survey was conducted on Amazon Mechanical Turk, where they found that those who have pets are more satisfied in life than those who do not. They broke the data down and found that dog owners scored higher showing that they have better overall wellbeing. This would explain why millions of dogs were adopted. Research also showed that There has yet to be many studies proving that there’s a positive impact on those with good mental health. This could explain why many people returned their dogs to the shelter after the pandemic because they no longer felt they needed that comfort they once needed.
   With all the information we have found throughout the years that prove therapy animals are beneficial, why wouldn’t someone adopt in an attempt to help themselves during the pandemic. It’s a win-win situation, until it wasn’t. The pandemic left some people desperately struggling with depression, anxiety or high stress levels. In hopes to find comfort in a scary time these people coped by adopting dogs. Millions of dogs were adopted and taken in with open arms. However, people did not take into consideration everything that comes with the responsibility of owning a dog, especially puppies. Dogs require an abundance of energy and responsibility, they are not at our dispense for when we are down. Dogs were given back to the shelters at an alarming rate because of poor planning. Some pandemic adopters who could afford the cost of the dogs ended up not being able to provide the care needed when returning to work after. Others may not have been able to afford their dogs when the pandemic hit and money got. The further Morgan looked into this, she noted that there was an obvious difference between an “individual’s quality of life and their perceptions of their dog’s quality of life”. 312 people were asked why they had decided to get a dog in the beginning of the pandemic. 38.5% said they had been thinking about it for a while and thought this was the perfect opportunity. 37.8% said they were going to get a dog no matter what. 8.0% adopted in an effort to not feel lonely and 9.3% said they felt obligated after hearing about how others were returning their dogs.
   The shelters were severely impacted by covid because of the amount of dogs going in and not as many going out. These shelters were ending up without supplies and room to house all the animals new and old. What happens with shelters that don’t have enough room is that they will have to refuse people who bring them in and those dogs end up on the street, in the wrong hands, or euthanized. Shelters are still recovering from the pandemic till this day. Unfortunately, way too many dogs weren’t able to find room in shelter

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