Causal Rewrite – Ziggy026

The minimum drinking age has caused young adults to, for lack of a better phrase, go crazy when they turn 21. They drink excessively and do not know their limits with alcohol, and in turn go out for a night of drinks and then get behind the wheel to go home, most times not making it there. This shows us that the minimum drinking age results in a higher number of drunk driving incidents once people turn 21. If people are let loose into the world once they turn 21 and have free rein to consume any type and any amount of alcohol they wish they are bound to face a less than favorable outcome. The causes of teen drinking are unknown. There are many factors that can contribute to the need to consume alcohol whether it’s social, mental, or a reaction to environments.

Alcohol causes people to drink, and people drinking causes drunk driving fatalities. This is an inarguable fact. There is not one intelligent person who can confidently say that alcohol does not cause drunk driving. There are many other things that need to be taken into consideration, though. What causes people to drink, what causes people to drink too much, and what causes people to be so irresponsible when it comes to drinking and driving. These questions can be answered by the restrictions put into place by a corrupt system. In this country young adults are prohibited from drinking alcohol until they reach the age that “their brains are fully developed”. Their brains that carry the burdens of constant stress at a time where mental illness is as common as a cold. Is that really the best time to release kids into the world of drinking?

What are the causes for people to believe that having a drinking age of 21 is beneficial? The answer is experience. They know what kind of kids they were. Parents want to protect their children and keep them from experiencing any negative thing that they might’ve experienced themselves. Many adults with children have experienced college, high school, and the downsides that come with them. What these adults forget is that teens will find whatever means possible to reach their goal. Adolescent years are a hard time for many. They can cause depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and a number of different things, but for now the one that should be focused on is substance abuse. As a result of immense stress people look for ways to relieve that stress and for many college aged students this comes in the form of drinking. Since it can be a lot harder to achieve this while under the age of 21 (but certainly not impossible) many college students abuse alcohol. It is a simple statement because it is a simple fact. Many college students consume more alcohol than they should as a result of stress or different anxieties. When faced with so much trouble that these students are turned to drink, they cannot be expected to make good decisions, especially when under the influence of alcohol. This is the cause of so many young adults making the terrible decisions to drink and drive. When all of these factors are mixed together it produces a recipe for immediate disaster and destruction. As people age and mature they are able to make better decisions when it comes to drinking alcohol and in turn driving under the influence, rather making the decision to not drive even remotely under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Alcohol causes people to drink, and people drinking causes drunk driving fatalities. This is an inarguable fact. There is not one intelligent person who can confidently say that alcohol does not cause drunk driving. There are many other things that need to be taken into consideration, though. What causes people to drink, what causes people to drink too much, and what causes people to be so irresponsible when it comes to drinking and driving. These questions can be answered by the restrictions put into place by a corrupt system. In this country young adults are prohibited from drinking alcohol until they reach the age that “their brains are fully developed”. Their brains that carry the burdens of constant stress at a time where mental illness is as common as a cold. Is that really the best time to release kids into the world of drinking?

 

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4 Responses to Causal Rewrite – Ziggy026

  1. davidbdale says:

    Being able to state your premise succinctly isn’t a bad thing, Ziggy. It leaves you room to illustrate, amplify, compare, and demonstrate.

    Illustrate. You show us a typical scene of over-indulgence at a 21st birthday party of someone who has rigorously complied with the underage alcohol ban. This is necessary if you’re going to be persuasive because many in your audience will be doubting that anybody actually complies with the law. Obviously, if late-teenagers and 20-year-olds are already getting routinely sloshed, your argument that turning 21 will turn them into dangerous drunk drivers loses its power.

    Amplify. You cite actual statistical evidence of the devastation “newly-legal” drinkers cause on the highways. Is it true, for example, that drivers in their early 20s where the drinking age is 21 do more than their statistically-proportional share of the drunk-driver killing and mayhem?

    Compare. If you’re going to convince anyone that the 21-year-old drinking age is a bad idea (and especially if you’re going to recommend a specific alternative), you’ll need some evidence from a place, a jurisdiction, a culture, where 18-year-olds can legally both drink and drive. Maybe a culture that doesn’t discourage (or outright ban) alcohol consumption among minors. Maybe one that does a better job of easing youth into responsible alcohol consumption instead of springing it on them at a magical date.

    Demonstrate. If those steps pan out, you take your readers through the alternate universe you’re concocting for their consideration, the one in which youth get some early experience with booze that familiarizes them with the havoc it wreaks on their perceptions and physical abilities at about the same time that it puts them behind the wheel of a several-ton killing machine.

    Does that sound like a plan to use 1000 words to your advantage? (I require your response, Ziggy, to prove your respect for the Feedback process.) Thanks!

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  2. davidbdale says:

    PS: I changed the spelling from CASUAL to CAUSAL in your post name.

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  3. davidbdale says:

    You cite no sources, Ziggy. You show no References. For a substantial argument that makes up 1/3 of your semester-long research paper, this short essay should show evidence of research.

    Your final paragraph is literally cut-and-pasted from your 2nd paragraph. They are identical.

    Your introduction makes one salient claim: delaying the drinking age to 21 causes 21-year-olds to
    “go crazy” on their birthday and crash their cars. But the rest of your essay makes the general case that college students (presumably between 18 and 21) drink routinely to relieve their stress.

    So . . . what’s magical about the 21st birthday? Does being “allowed” to drink make them less responsible? Are you suggesting that these youth were not drinking at age 19? at 20? You’ve undermined that claim. Are you suggesting that they wait until they’re 21 to drink to excess and drive? You don’t lay out a causal argument. You could. Does their ability to be served in bars make the difference? Does being permitted to buy alcohol in liquor stores make the difference? You don’t say.

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