A student last semester wrote this Purposeful Summary. His name was Wazoo. As you read Wazoo’s comment, see if you can answer this essential question:
What’s He Talking About?
It seems counterintuitive that we buy iphones and use them knowing that there are bugs out there, in which they allow people to spy on you. We do not know how long apple has known about this but we do know they were warned and still decided to not do anything.
Personal Privacy plays a big party in everyone’s life, as well as their cell phones. The majority of cell phones are iphones and to have bugs in which people can spy on you is not acceptable. There is no way a little kid was the first to find this. Apple has known about this and they just have kept it a secret. They hire some of the best hackers in the world to work for them to find bugs. So why did they take so long to react?
Apple is one of the largest companies in the world. so some people might think theres a chance they didnt see the complaint right away or they kept it on to gain information about all of its users. After 2 weeks they finally sent a fix but this took so long because they werent done spying on the innocent people in this world. Apple is all about making profit and this move was one for them to get a better understanding on how to advertise to the world.
In addition to some punctuation errors, Wazoo here is neglecting an ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL aspect of Purposeful Summary: to summarize.
Very likely, because it was resolved more than a year ago, you don’t remember much about Apple’s FaceTime bug. If you happened to read Wazoo’s comment on a website about Apple products, would you have any idea what the article he was summarizing said about these questions?
—Would you know how the “spying” occurs?
—Would you know what program or app was compromised?
—Would you understand that it activated the recipient’s camera and microphone before he answered a FaceTime call?
—Would you understand what Wazoo meant about a kid being the first to “find this”?
—Would you understand the context of the “2 week” delay?
What Wazoo DOES do well here is to shape the news to his own agenda. It’s clear he’s suspicious of Apple’s motives and dubious that their slowness in responding to the crisis was innocent. In other words, his language is Purposeful, but he’s neglected the Summary, largely by using “it” and “this” to stand for material he left out.
Here’s the same summary with SPECIFIC DETAILS to replace IT and THIS.
It seems counterintuitive that we buy iphones and use them knowing that there are bugs in the product that allow people to spy on US. We do not know how long Apple has known about THE FLAW IN FACETIME THAT ACTIVATES THE RECIPIENT’S CAMERA AND MICROPHONE BEFORE SHE ACCEPTS THE CALL, but we do know they were warned and still decided NOT TO FIX THE BUG.
Personal Privacy—ESPECIALLY REGARDING OUR CELL PHONES—plays a big part in ALL OUR LIVES. The majority of cell phones are iPhones, and to have bugs THAT ALLOW CALLERS TO spy on US is not acceptable. IT’S NOT CREDIBLE THAT a little kid was the first to find THIS FLAW IN THE FACETIME APP. Apple has known about THIS THREAT TO OUR PRIVACY and they just kept it a secret. They hire some of the best hackers in the world to work for them to find bugs. So why did they take so long to react?
Apple is one of the largest companies in the world, so some people might think THERE’S a chance they DIDN’T see the TEENAGER’S REPORT THAT HIS PHONE WAS EAVESDROPPING ON HIS FRIEND’S CAMERA AND MICROPHONE right away, or they DELIBERATELY DELAYED FIXING THE BUG to gain information about all of THEIR users. After 2 weeks THE COMPANY finally sent a fix, but THE DELAY DEMONSTRATES they WEREN’T done spying on THEIR INNOCENT AND UNSUSPECTING CUSTOMERS. Apple is all about making PROFITS, and this CALLOUS INVASION OF THEIR USER BASE was A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO GAIN INTELLIGENCE THAT WOULD HELP THEM FURTHER VICTIMIZE THEIR CUSTOMERS WITH TARGETED ADVERTISING.
All right, so I did a little more than just replace IT and THIS. 🙂
But what the ALL CAPS material has in common is that it ADDS SPECIFIC DETAILS that provide readers with the background information they need.
Leave a brief comment in the Reply field below to let me know if this is an effective demonstration of the value of specific details (or the danger of IT and THIS).
Also, Reply whether this demonstration will prompt you to revisit your own Purposeful Summaries with a better idea how to achieve a Regrade.